Monday, June 1, 2009

6/1-I hope you didn't watch.

Because the MTV Movie Awards were AWFUL.  Epic, epic, epic fail.  Andy included.  
I came home from a bbq Sunday night slightly drunk and it still didn't make him, Sasha Baron Cohen, Eminem or anyone else funny.  Just pathetic, staged, and slightly sad. 
I watched for about 20 minutes, then turned off the TV and went to smoke a cigar on the back porch.  This was a good decision.

Even the fashion was lame. 

Let me clarify.  We all knew the fashion would suck, but I was at least holding out for some truly spectacular misses a la Bijork and the Swan, but I got nothing except a lot of black bubble hemmed dresses, fake spray tan, dyed blonde hair, and "beach wave curls".  In other words, the girls from the Hills are actually zombies and have taken over every single celebrity in Hollywood under the age of 30 infecting them with their stupidity and boresville style.  Seriously, I can not accurately convey my loathing for this red carpet.  Way to go Megan Fox. Way to look like a tranny.  Nice dress Rummer Willis.  I saw about 20 of those left un-purchased on the clearance rack at Urban Outfitters. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh.  

There is no charisma, intelligence, or edginess left in Tinsel Town.  Instead of embracing the fourth wall thereby reinforcing that films are a suspension of disbelief while simultaneously creating stories that evoke the questions and problems of lived experience, Hollywood is content to script "reality" moments that deal with issues that are neither touching nor illuminating like "omigod did Brody come with her?"  In a world where two people have actually altered themselves to look like the base and cheap plastic dolls we were given as children, there is little hope left for art.  

Barbie and Ken. Soul Destroying.

The only pro's. 
First: We got a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince clip.  For the simple fact that in T-minus three weeks all I will be talking about is this movie, I will spare you my commentary for now.

Second, Kristin Stewart (overlooking the fact that she was in the sub-par "Twilight") threw her pretentious and self important middle finger to the very awards she was attending by wearing Chuck Taylor's with her dress and dropping (hence breaking) her golden popcorn while Sparklefuck laughed.

What ingrates.  But, I can't blame them.  I would have felt the same way.  Last night was a depressing reminder that Hollywood has become a mediocre, lukewarm community that I want to vomit out of my mouth.

Now that that's done, I'm going to go read a book.


  1. The best and most honest part of the show was when Andy said "welcome back to the commercial."

  2. Second-best part: Sparklefuck wore a purple blazer.