Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Friday, December 11, 2009
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Tiger fucked up.
Thursday, November 19, 2009
|The Colbert Report||Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c|
Monday, November 16, 2009
Lainey you are such a stupid bitch. I’m reading you gushing over Shia Ladouche’s ugly girlfriend. How can you say she’s pretty with ugly short hair? According to you everyone should get an Oscar except for the person who deserves one and that is Rob Pattinson. Steph said last year that he deserved it for Twilight the people are too stuck up and I agree. I predict they will wake up to his talent this year though unlike your stupid ass after they see him in New Moon. You will see on November 20 and the world will not be the same. There’s nothing holding him back now and his performance deserves to be appreciated instead of kissing Shawn Penn’s ass. How hard is it to play a gay? You just have to act like a girl. GO ROB! And F-CK YOU LAINEY.
I better not see you snark about Robsten holding hands tomorrow or I will fly to Vancouver and stick some real American revenge inside your pussy Canadian chink ass. From Denise
Dear Lainey, remember this day November 10/2009 for it’s when we were reborn to busk in the light of the love of Robsten, rejoicing in the desecration of those that hate the goodness and only seek the darkness. From Cathy
What’s up Lamey? Are you hiding? Why not blogs about this, embarassed now? WE WERe RIGHT ALL ALONG AND YOU WERE WRONG MOTHERF-CKER! Let me guess that is staged? WRONG AGAIN. Real love cannot be held back. You tried to soffocate them but the truth will always come out. From Linda
Lainey, Nikki was just a distraction. Rob was waiting for his eternal. When she was ready he had his chance and he took it. The prize is their love. And we are the winners in this beautiful story. I am toasting you tonight with champagne. We went to buy a bottle because we finally have an occasion. From Sharon
Thanks for your emails re: Twi-Hard hatemail, I appreciate the balancing support. I feel I have to clarify though: these are not young girls, not teens. Each and every piece of hate is from an adult female. How about that?
Yours in gossip,
Friday, November 6, 2009
Sunday, November 1, 2009
WARNING: The following content is Snark only (Film and Fashion later this week, promise).
Long car rides are tough. Times passes slowly and there are only so many times you can hear "Use Somebody" or "All the Single Ladies" before losing your shit.
This is why car games are important. And I don't mean "Collect the State Plates" or "I Spy with My Little Eye." You need more innovation than this. Especially if the person sitting in the seat next to you is a.) over six and b.) has been dating you for over half a decade.
When done right "Deal Breakers" can be really, really fun. And shockingly insightful. And, in all honestly, beneficial to any monogamous relationship. It puts things in perspective. It reminds you that you are, in fact, with someone who values you and vice-versa. Plus, it's funny as hell.
Now is the time for the final warning. The following lists are full of stereotypes and scathing, superficial, and totalizing judgements. If such declarative, narrow minded criticism offends you, do not read further. Take your self-righteousness to GOOP or some other such blog. Because it doesn't belong here.
The rules of deal breakers are simple. You must list in brief phrasing the qualitative appearances, accessories, occupations, or other accoutrement's that an individual can possess that occlude you from ever even considering entering a dating relationship with said individual. No matter how "hot" "nice" "etc." that person may be reputed to be, their affiliation with said object reveals an intrinsic truth about them that you find repellent. These things are deal breakers.
*To reiterate, these laws apply only to romantic relationships. Individuals can (sometimes) be friends with and (in only some instances) even respect individuals with "deal-breaker" qualities. They simply can not enter into close emotional and sexual bonds with them.
David's Deal Breakers
1. Women who have, or want, a small dog that doubles as an accessory
2. Heavy makeup
3. Heavy perfume (offensive or not since the latter becomes the former in large quantities)
4. French pressed nails (esp. if regularly maintained/changed)
5. Stripper (irregardless of breast size)
6. Tramp stamp
(sorry...there were just too many to choose from)
7. Women wearing basketball jerseys outside of appropriate sporting arena or in-home event viewing
8. Women wearing men's khaki shorts
9. Tanning bed membership
10. Live-in in-law (excepting medical/financial necessity)
Leanne's Deal Breakers
1. Men wearing basketball jerseys outside of appropriate sporting arena or in-home event viewing
2. Soul patches
3. Dodge Magnums, Avengers, Cameros, or other similar "modern" muscle cars
4. One or more chains of any size
5. Truck nuts
6. A car or truck (usually the latter) adorned with any form of hunting-related sticker or other such paraphernalia (Note: #5 usually accompanies #6. Furthermore, men who own these are often referred to in their absence as "You know X, the guy who likes to hunt." However, please note that the deal-breaker does not describe every man who, on occasion does go and hunt. Rather, the "automobile markers" serve to inform potential mates that the owner is defined by his obsession and that this is ridiculous and intolerable.)
7. Police officer or police officer in training (criminal justice majors will be taken under close and unfairly critical review)
8. Any member of any branch of the United States Armed Forces
9. Any facial piercing (lip, eyebrow, tongue, nose, etc.)
10. Live-in in-law (excepting medical/financial necessity)
Now it's time for you to descend to my level. Brush that self-righteousness off your shoulders and tell me...What are yours [and yours's]?