Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Tiger fucked up.

Sure, the cheating part is the worst, but it's not the only way in which he's screwed the proverbial pooch.

See, infidelity isn't anything shocking. Nothing new. People do it every day. Rich, poor, middling, powerful...they all do it.  Growing up in the social circle I did, I grew numb pretty quickly to the "unfaithful husband" story line.  Plus, if you were to scratch off everyone on your "hero" list (male or female) who had committed adultery, you wouldn't have anymore heroes.  Think about it.  How many kings, queens, artists, writers, philosophers, thinkers, etc. have whipped it out for people other than their spouses? Exactly.

Does this mean it's not serious? No. Does this mean I condone cheating? Absolutely not.  In fact, if I was Elin Woods, I would be packing up baby Sam and the other one in their car seats right now, heading for divorce court. Especially considering the level of sexual treachery that Tiger has apparently committed.  This wasn't a one night stand, or a case of a man who got caught up in something singular.  Hell, no.   Tiger is a dirty, dirty whore who likes to do dirty things with other dirty whores.  Check here and here for the dirt.  See?  He pre-meditatively and repeatedly orchestrated this shit.  Yes, Lorraine Babbit, I hear your righteous call for judgement.

But to get back to my main point... this really isn't the worst of it.  The real reason Tiger Woods will forever, in my book, be considered an irredeemable dumb-ass is because he handled the situation like a complete and total idiot.

Let's break this down:  Tiger's a powerful man. Like, really powerful. Rich, famous, endorsement deals, accolades, respect.  And of course, with lots of power comes a sense of invincibility and entitlement. The "rules" don't apply.  We see this all the time.  It's why powerful people do shady shit...b/c they know think they can.

But from time to time, these people get caught: Letterman, Spitzer, etc.  And what do they do? They realize their hand's been caught in the cookie jar and thus are confronted with the consequences of their actions. They blush. They get humiliated. And they apologize.  

But not Tiger.  He evaded, avoided, and pointed the finger elsewhere.  He was unwilling to talk to police about the accident. He was unwilling to affirm or deny the tabloid rumors of his affairs. In short, he was unwilling to address legitimate authorities, or the public which has helped make him famous.  And finally, after a week of living in the pressure cooker, he releases some dumb-ass statement about how we should butt out of his business. Please.  


You agreed to stick your name and face all over our Gatorade, our shower gel, our razors, even our fucking cars.  We are not your problem. You are your problem.

Do I want a full disclosure of your private life? Fuck no. I don't really care.  And, to a certain extent, I agree that celebrities should not have to reveal the inner workings of their private lives.  

BUT! Put your hubris in the back seat for a minute. After all, that's what got you into this mess in the first place.  When the spotlight that has treated you so well shines on the parts of your life you'd rather keep covered, TAKE IT LIKE A MAN.  Admit you fucked up immediately, and then move on. Take a lesson from Letterman.  He wrote the book and it's a good one. Buy it.  But, I know you won't, because your pride won't let you admit that it's completely your fault.

In your personal statement (Readers: I'm linking it again, because you MUST read it) you have the audacity to judge us (!!!), saying things like "there are important and deep principles at stake" when the public looks at your private life.  Where the FUCK was your attention to other "deep and important principles" when you were sticking your 3 wood into anything that moved? Also, I know you feel that you need to "stick to the [privacy] principle" right now, but what about sticking to the fidelity principle for the last couple of years?

Your back-handed apology proves that you think we are also to blame. And this amount of hubris is intolerable. For this reason that I say: Shame. on. you.



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