Thursday, August 27, 2009

On the heels of last weeks post...

Do NOT let this happen!!!!!!!!!!  This CAN NOT happen!!!!!!!!!!!!

Fuck. Leave it to American to ruin yet another amazing show.

I have already talked about "Skins" in the past.  For those of you new to the blog, "Skins" is a BAFTA (British equivalent to the Emmys/Oscars) winning drama that centers on the lives of a group of teenagers living in Bristol.  It is hyper-realistic and super gritty.  

Since 16 is age of consent in England, there is prolific swearing, drug use, and full frontal nudity in this show.  The writers and directors take HUGE risks.  I will warn you again, "Skins" feels a little weird and uncomfortable sometimes. 

BUT this is ONLY because we stupid US t.v. watchers aren't used to being challenged by what we see in front of us.  We like t.v. to turn our brains to mush. But it doesn't have to.  It can be amazing like "Skins"- a bad ass, challenging, and entertaining show.

Of course this means that MTV wants nothing more than to ruin it.  Oh, they will say that they are sticking to the original spirit of the show, blah blah blah, but honestly, the people at MTV aren't stupid. No really, listen to me for a minute. These people are business geniuses.  They know what sells.  

And what sells in America is the Hills. And Gossip Girl.  Things that pretend to be edgy, but don't really push their viewers to consider anything other than if they like the outfits the characters are wearing.  US t.v. caters to nothing but the "lowest common denominator."  Which is why the US version of "Skins" will pussy out and blow. Hard.  

The deals have already been made, the rights have been bought. US Skins is going into production.  PLEASE PLEASE the original before this happens.  You will not regret it.  You will be challenged and uncomfortable and confused at first by what you are seeing. Yes, it can be dark at times. But the rewards are endless.

Quit allowing yourself to be lazy and watch shit television. This is your challenge America.  

I know I have already posted this, but this is the first few minutes of Season 1, Episode 1. Watch it. (You can watch other eps. on Surf The or even buy it super cheap from i-tunes if the illegal way bothers you...I think it's actually less than a buck an episode.)


Tuesday, August 18, 2009

8/18- Can't hardly wait...

for the new season of Gossip Girl.  Have you seen the promos? Hysterical. Especially the last 10 seconds of the first one.  Love Blair's expression at the end. Love her sooooooo much.  Can't fathom how you couldn't.  If you don't like Blair, I don't think we can be friends.

And from the looks of it, Dan might just decide to get funny and/or interesting.

September 14 can't come soon enough. 

In the meantime though, I have a task for all of you.  Please, please, please make the following movies happen.

To explain: A lot of times, films that are made overseas get great, stellar (like you could put them in orbit) reviews.  They are well acted, well written, well directed.  But they don't get seen.  So Hollywood and the Mighty Morphin Movie Machine move in and buy the rights.  They dismantle these films.  They create a similar, cliff-noted script that reads like a bad book report.  Then they re-cast with pretty but shitty Hollywood actors.  And they get someone like Michael Bay or Jerry Bruckheimer to direct it and ultimately manage to turn a diamond back into a lump of coal.

Two such gems scheduled to be destroyed open this week.

The first one is "Rudo Y Cursi."

It's a comedy from Alfonso Cuaron (Y Tu Mama Tambien, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban) and stars two insanely beautiful men (and great actors) Gael Garcia Bernal and Diego Luna.  It's an off-beat tale about two brothers trying to make it in the soccer world, etc.  

The second is "Fifty Dead Men Walking."

Based on a true story, the film is about a petty criminal living in Ireland during the late 80's when the civil/religious conflict in Northern Ireland (led by the IRA) was at its most violent.  He is recruited by the British police to work as an informant.  

If you like political thrillers this is one to see.  It's getting solid reviews on RT, but sadly that probably won't help matters.  Why?  Pay attention because I am saying it now..."Fifty Dead Men" will become the next "State of Play."  

Remember this movie? Russell Crow, Ben Affleck, Rachel McAdams?  Got terrible reviews. Was a terrible film.  Want to know the real tragedy? 

"State of Play"-the real, original one- is an ABSOLUTELY AMAZING six part British mini-series starring Bill Nighy, James McAvoy, and others and is directed by David Yates (Harry Potter 6). Really, the series is sooooooo fucking good.  It is worth renting from Blockbuster Online or ordering off Amazon.  You will NOT be disappointed. David and I were completely consumed by it for a week.  I then made my inside cronies at Wake Forest's library order it and add it the dvd collection.  It has been renting out steadily since.  Because it's that good.

So, please.  Before Hollywood gets its scaly death grip on "Fifty Dead Men" and re-casts with f-cking Colin Farrell and turns it to shit, watch the original.  And before "Rudo Y Cursi" becomes another Judd Apatow bro-mance starring Seth Rogan and some other ugly dude, watch Garcia Benal and Diego Luna.  It's for your own good.

Monday, August 17, 2009

8/17- As of now, filmfashionsnark is officially an open blog.

I say "for now" because at any point, I am reserving the right to pull it from the open blogosphere and retreat with my small base of "original" readers into the safety of obscurity and anonymity.  

If you are reading this blog for the first time, welcome and here are my rules.  You can comment to your heart's content. I'm snarky as all get out, so you can be too.  But you must be nice to other readers/commenters.  And although this blog is not especially prudish in it's content, I still have "taste" lines and if you cross them with super gross posts, I will delete them.  This isn't Perez Hilton.

With that said...

For those of you who have been with me from the beginning...I know you've been missing her. But fear not. Eva is back and worse than ever! 

Eva fail # 173983.

It's been a while, and time had not healed Eva's fashion wounds.  Bitch still can't dress.
This is the best example of how NOT to do a LBD. Doesn't fit well. The material is puckering all over the place. Ugly "ripped silk" detailing. Horrible Length. And BORING. Seriously snooze inducing. This makes dresses from the GAP look exciting.  

To film:

I'm sure most of you, if you do venture out to the theater this weekend will be lured, into seeing Brad Pitt and Tarantino's terrible new film "Inglorious Basterds."  While I have already given my opinion on this (UN-PLUG), I still can't stop you from seeing it. You are completely within your constitutional rights to waste your money on whatever crap you choose. But, I can plug another movie that has war and blood, and is actually good.

"The Hurt Locker"-PLUG

It's not showing everywhere yet, because people are stupid.  But, if you live in or around a college town or city, you should be able to find it at a local independent or student cinema.  The reviews for this movie are ridiculous.  It's been holding steady at 98% on Rotten Tomatoes for a few weeks now, and "TIME" magazine went so far as to dub it "a near perfect movie."  It's an action film about an Army bomb squad serving in Iraq.  From what I've read, this film is the best portrayal of the Iraq War in general, and more specifically, is the best treatment of the problems surrounding modern warfare (which is based, more and more, in guerilla warfare).  

On the lighter side:

"Post Grad" will be playing soon.  

No, it probably won't be that great of a movie, and it's definitely not for everyone.  But, it does have Matt Saracen from Friday Night Lights (big crush. sooooo hott. looks a lot like David. acts like him too.) and Rory Gilmore.  It's about an over-educated, under-employed twenty-something stuck in a life rut after graduation.  This hits very (almost too) close to home.

Short post today, I know.  But more coming soon, including new summer reads and my Fashion Week covet list.


Monday, August 10, 2009

Post will be fashion heavy today.  Which means that film talk will be on hold except for my one final desperate plug for you to get up and go see a movie worth seeing: "District 9".  

For those of you who are sick of watching the same movie over and over again (you know the one-"independent woman" meets "skeeze with a 'heart'" and realizes that all she needs in life isn't confidence or a sense of self, uh-uh.  Instead, while climbing the corporate ladder and chipping away at that glass ceiling, the only thing she's really been missing and aching for is the primeval, primitive, cave man to fill her up and make her life make sense), "District 9" (sci-fi Apartheid allegory) provides immense relief from this.  Go. See. It.

To Fashion:  The Teen Choice Awards were Sunday, and I can hardly stand lowering myself to discuss that travesty of an event (really, Parents of America? you're 12 year olds are watching a show where they vote for best "hook up song" while they watch and cheer on their "idol" Miley Cyrus as she emerges from an actual Trailer and then proceeds to pole dance? to a song called 'Party in the USA'?! really!? REALLY??! and yet you still wonder why America is rotting from the inside out? fuck.)

Clearly, the Teen Choice Awards are only good for one thing: they serve as guide for how not to be, think, act, and especially dress.  Yep. that's right. Here are some spectacular, epic fashion disasters! Yay!

She makes my job easy, because really, there's no explanation necessary.

Would you expect anything less than from a Hills girl?  The huge string of sex toy pearls around her neck really make this outfit complete.  She's like Slutty Betty Rubble. Slutty Rubble. This is my new name for her. It's a good one.

Look, getting old demands respect.  And to Fergie's credit, she has avoided the Botox thus far.  But if you do make the respectable decision to let nature take it's course on your face, you have GOT to follow through by dressing for your face's age. With that said, ladies, Rainbow patterns are great. You should have them in your wardrobe and you should wear them throughout your 20's. After 35 though, they go away. Either to a neice, a daughter, or Goodwill. They do not accompany your crow's feet on the carpet. Sorry.

Dear Rory,
I've loved you so long.  I think you're great. But this dress.  Either get it tailored to fit your waif-like frame, or give it back to the thrift store from whence it came.  And just know, that if you were going for the vintage hipster look, you tried about 500x too hard.  
Here's hoping for better days,

And you Kim,
You dumb, dumb girl. Your new hair color suits your stupidity.  What did I tell you last time. 'Either get clothes that fit you, or fire your stylist'. You did neither. Which is why you still look like crap.  This dress does not fit you. I repeat, you must begin dressing for your body. You are curvy. Yeah, I know it stinks. I am curvy too. We can't wear just anything. You need to square with this. You have limitations. Work within them.

BTW readers, as you can tell, Kim has also made the unfortunate decision to go blonde.  I toyed with this idea a while ago. I almost did it too. Eyebrows and all. Thank goodness I woke up, or this would be my nightmare.

She's 19, but you'd never know it. This girl ALWAYS dresses like she is a 40 yr. old cougar back on the prowl.  Which is weird because her face is so fresh and young. But nevertheless she chooses to embarass herself by wearing ugly dresses that make her look like she snuck into her mom's closet to play big girl dress up.

Clearly, I am a big fan of girls dressing for their age.  But while Hayden tries too hard to be a sex-pot, this girl (I think she's one of those Disney products, not sure on the name) is dressing waaaayyy beneath her age.  She looks to be about 15, yeah?  I don't know about you, but when I was fifteen, I'd be damned if my mom made me buy my clothes from the "Limited Too".  Come on...smiley face muscial notes? A dress without a waist line? A baby-doll cotton vest over the ugly dress? All she's missing are some Mickey Mouse ears.

I dunno, Blair.  You and Serena should have talked this one over maybe.  Because while the dress fits like a glove and all, it kinda looks like you are off for a role playing sex date with Chuck where you pretend to be January Jones from 'Mad Men' and Chuck, in his penguin suits, plays Jon Hamm's even more evil doppleganger.  I dunno, but I kinda feel like I'm looking at a costume from a 1950's housewife fantasy porno.  Maybe it's just me, though.  What do all of you think? Do you like it, and I'm just being too harsh? Or am I right and there is something about this that is just..."off"? 

The ONLY good thing on the astro-turf.  Emma Roberts looks great.  She looks like she's 18, but also like she has an innate sense of high fashion. This is how to be age appropriate and fashion forward.  Love the black on white.  Love the booties. Nice following of the necklace embellishment trend.  And I wish you could see the back of this dress. There is a beautiful, scalloped cut-out on the high part of the back. Nothing skanky though.  You only see the skin of her upper shoulder blades. Nothing visible below the bra strap line. (And, please also note the pale, un-mysticed tanned skin, brown hair, and absence of beach wave hair.) Well done little Julia. Well done.

That's about all my snark can take for now.  More fashion soon though. Promise.

And an important final note:
Should the blog go public? By this I mean, should I allow anyone to access the blog? Right now, it is an invite only enterprise, but I have recently had a few people asking me if I have one, and rather than keep adding people, I have considered putting it on public domain space. Things to consider: PRO's- better exposure, more readers, more opportunities; CON's- could get into trouble if I get a "real job" due to strong language subject matter content, general feeling of uneasines due to lack of total anonymity.
What should I do? Sound off below.

Love to you all.

Friday, August 7, 2009

I wasn't planning on posting, but apparently I am now an insomniac and can no longer sleep like a normal human. Plus, the worlds of Writing and Film lost a wonderful talent today, and I am compelled to eulogize.

John Hughes was a genius, and Hollywood will be indebted to him for decades to come.

For those of you who aren't familiar, John Hughes pretty much created teen cinema. Everytime you go to the theater and see a film like "She's All That" or, more recently, "Nick and Nora," you are watching pale mimickries of the John Hughes formula. He was a "sometimes" director, but he was an "all the time" writer. Films that he wrote include:

Sixteen Candles
The Breakfast Club
Pretty in Pink
Ferris Buller's Day Off
Some Kind of Wonderful
Weird Science
National Lampoon's European, Christmas, (and other) Vacations
Home Alone
Curly Sue
Mr. Mom
...and lots more

Looking back on his body of work, I can safely say that John Hughes' movies got me through different stages of my life. I was obsessed with Beethoven. Forced my mom to buy the VHS for my birthday one year: It was THE ONLY thing on my "list".

Before Beethoven, though, was Curly Sue. Curly Sue was one of the first "PG/non-cartoon" movies I ever saw in the theater. I was six and my parents took me because they were John Hughes fans.

And Home Alone. For me, the 90's don't exist without Home Alone. Even now, in old, independently owned movie rental stores, you can still find Macaulay Culkins' face on faded Home Alone posters above the check-out counter.

And then I hit puberty. But lo and behold, John was still there for me. I watched Pretty and Pink, The Breakfast Club, and Sixteen Candles thousands of times. I knew each and every character as if they were a part of me. I saw pieces of myself in each of them, and when they laughed, cried, or cheered, I did too. Whenever Dirty Dancing would come on, I would gladly snap off the television and go do something else. But I would sit and watch TBS for hours if Molly Ringwald showed up. When Anna's parents and then her then boyfriend epically neglected her on her 17th birthday, I knew the remedy. She came over and we watched Sixteen Candles, and the world was suddenly better, brighter. To this day, we still say things like "Remember your horrible (it really, really was) birthday when we watched Sixteen Candles."

For this and other reasosn, Sixteen Candles is probably my all time fav. and about a year ago, I forced David to watch it. There are some things that are so much a part of you, that you have to share them with those close to you so that they can understand you a little bit better. So David watched it. And loved it. Laughed his ass off while I sat curled up next to him, watching his reactions, grinning and purring like the cheshire cat.

Even as recently as a couple months ago, I found myself still clinging to John. I had to go to a costume party where you dressed up as a cultural icon from the year you were born. Lots of things happen in 1985, but for me, only one thing really happened and that was The Breakfast Club. So, I went as Allison (pre-makeover of course). And even though I looked scary and had to explain to people who I was, I felt completely comfortable and happy to be walking in her ugly shoes.

It's easy to dismiss literature that colors the pop culture landscape as shoddy or not of the highest quality. But John Hughes really was a genius. He took classic romantic, political, and socio-economic story elements and re-fashioned them for a new breed of American teenager. His films are funny and smart and they will always, always be around.

John, you are loved and will be missed.

John Hughes, Jr. (February 18, 1950-August 6, 2009)

P.S. Fuck "The Notebook." Best. Kiss. Ever.

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

I have a chronic illness called Laziness.

Looking at the archives for this blog, I see that I only posted four entries for the entire month of July.  No amount of birthdays or vacations can excuse my lack of writing.  So, I'm turning over a new leaf and will be posting more in August.  And (as always) if you don't want to read, just hit "Delete."

First Up:
I have talked to a couple of you about this, so I will be brief.  You MUST watch True Blood.  It is THE best show on t.v. that you aren't watching.  It's in its second season now, but the DVD's of Season One hit the shelves recently, which means that (combine with the "internet pirating" option) you have no excuse not to get hip to this show.

Where Twilight fails to serve the Vampire mythos, True Blood delivers.  It is smart, sexy, and totally tounge-in-cheek.  While Bella and Edward stare into each others eyes in a daze of melodramatic abstinence, True Blood is full of campy characters, self reflexive humor, and psycho-sexual exploration.  For example: Lafayette

Lafayette is my favorite character on the show.  He is a black, gay, male, short order cook working in a bar in Southern Louisiana. He also works second jobs as a prostitute, drug dealer, and operator of an internet porn site.  His clientele are mostly comprised of Senators and local and state government officials.  He is by far the best thing on TV.  Don't believe me? Watch.  "Tip yo waitress." Priceless.

Next: I've also noticed that the blog has been film heavy and fashion light.  This too must be remedied.  I'll start by taking baby steps.  This one combines fashion and film.

It's the soon to be shown documentary called "The September Issue" and details the life of Editor in Chief of Vogue, Anna Wintour.

Anna, her bob, her bitch-face, on the floor

For those of you unfamiliar with fashion journalism, September is the more important of the two months when "Fashion Week" takes place.  Fashion Week is where all the big designers showcase their lines for the next season, and, as such, fashion magazines look to cover all the bases and showcases the "new trends in fashion."  Vogue does this by publishing a thick-as-a-brick September issue (its usually 800+ pages).  The documentary picks this "high stress" time frame to follow and document Anna in her professional and personal life.

If you're paying attention, you'll remember that Anna Wintour was the model for the evil boss in the book/movie "The Devil Wears Prada."  Wintour is notorious for being an ice queen and has such great nicknames as "Nuclear Wintour" and the "Wintour of our discontent."  I am curious to see if this film has Anna coming out smelling like a misunderstood rose, or if we will get to see her Cruella De Ville-ness is its full glory.  Please, please hope for the latter.

And for a closer/quick fashion hit:

The WORST of the worst this week.  This is how to NOT wear pants. Terrible.  Awful.  Kim Kardashian should never be allowed near harem pants again.  And that top?  What was she thinking?!

This does not mean that you should never try pants or even rolled pants.  They can be done right.  Unfortunately for Kim, this takes style and poise, both of which she lacks.  But which Penelope Cruz has in spades.  See Exhibit B aka. my FAVORITE thing this week. This is perfect(!) execution. Monochrome suits are hard. Red on the red carpet is hard.  Penelope does both right.  

Do you see the difference?  And no, it's not because P is thinner.  They are both short ladies. They both have huge breasts.  P just knows how to dress: tailored and for her body.  Kim, you should be taking notes.  And firing your stylist.

'Till next time.