Friday, May 29, 2009

5/29- Will you watch them this Sunday?

Because for the first time ever, I might actually sit down and watch the MTV Movie Awards.  And it's not because Twilight will win everything or because Heath Ledger will get another posthumous award or because there will be a plethora of truly horrendous fashion disasters.  I will watch because Andy Samberg is hosting.  If you haven't seen the promos he's been doing for them, check out the link below.  They are hysterical.  One of these promos aired in the movie theater before Star Trek.  Both of my parents laughed like little girls. Samberg is that good.

Word is, he's calling in all the favors he can.  Which means...dare I hope...that Justin Timberlake will show up?  If this goes well, I vote Andy for the Oscars.

In related news, Twilight fans everywhere pissed themselves yesterday because Sparklefuck was snapped shirtless, making out with Kristin Stewart (for the movie, of course).  

Fangirls...I really, really hate to say this, but I think he got a little help from the makeup department.  You can tell he's been working out, but that definition isn't all him.  Sorry.

And lastly...this weekends "PLUG/UN-PLUG"


Via. Sleight, the people at Cannes were totally losing their shit over this movie.  As in crying within the first five minutes because it is so beautiful (unlike the crying/vomitting that was induced by "Antichrist"...more on that another day).  "UP" looks to be another Pixar gem.  The animation is spectacular, the script is touching and funny, and it's getting great reviews.  And it's in 3D. Check it out and have a great weekend...looks like it will be perfect G & T weather here in NC.

Love to you all.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

5/26-Vacations are sometimes stressful

Especially if you have to attempt to squeeze love-handles into an elastic waisted bathing suit. Seriously, the tight banded bathing suit bottoms that predominate the swimwear market are ridiculous.   This may be the single greatest fashion oversight.  Someone, please make anti-muffin top inducing bottoms for those of us who are over 18 and like to drink beer.  Or better, let us live in a world where muffin tops are in-style.  Or, at the very least, let culture denounce the Posh Spices and give us back our imperfect bodies. 

Along the lines of body image and segway-ing back to film, Sleight and I in a moment of adolescent indulgence, watched "Bring It On" this past weekend.  What a great movie.  Even greater, though, is the representation of female bodies in that film.  Sleight and I were gobsmacked that only 10 years ago, the media was fine with showing images of healthy, athletic, strong figures.  

Of course, all of these women's bodies are ideal...I would have to do some serious running and strength training to look like that.  But I could.  And that is the point.  These women are real ideals. They have hips.  They have butts.  They have thickness in their upper arms and a girth to their torsos instead of some concave stomach with ribs showing. These women have strength.  Comparing them to the anorexic, sickly ones in shows like the new 90210, I want to cry.  Why can't we turn back time?

Enough of my rant.  Because summer and vacations can also be fun.  You can read books you normally wouldn't have time to.  Here is my summer reading list thus far.  

The Hours by Michael Cunningham

I just wrote a chapter of my thesis on Mrs. Dalloway and was immediately compelled to re-read this. Love.

The Shadow of the Wind by Carlos Ruiz Zafon

A gothic (and yes, gothic in the tradition of the nineteenth century gothic) novel about a man in Barcelona who reads a book by a man named Carax only to discover that someone has been systematically destroying every single copy of this man's work.  I'm going to love this one.

What are you reading? What's good?  What's not so good? Please share.

And lastly, to make your day brighter if you haven't seen it already...Andy and company's latest, genius social commentary.  "Fuck trees, I climb bouys mother fuckers!"

If you're behind on these...

And just for fun...the one that's still my favorite:

Love you all!

Thursday, May 21, 2009

5/21-It opens today at midnight.

Which leads me to this week's "PLUG/UN-PLUG":

"Terminator Salvation"-UN-PLUG

Because that's what they should have done to the frackin' robots in the first place.  Then it wouldn't have gotten to the point it's at now.  At this rate, the Terminator franchise will have more films than Star Wars.  John Connor needs to warp back to the present day and focus his angst on annihilating the film studios who can't come up with a new idea for a movie.  I'll conceed...T2 was awesome. But it should've ended there.  The advance buzz on this film is that it kinda sucks. The special effects are good, but that's about it. No real story, no compelling relationships. No great acting.  In short, it's not Star Trek.

As you all are fully aware, this is the film where Bale lost his shit.  He acted like a mega douche and is paying for it now by being forced to apologize for it again in every press junket interview he does.  I say...good.  I love American Psycho, I love Batman, and you better believe I would give a kidney for Laurie, but this put Bale on my shit list.  Really, dude? Really? You "got too into the character"? IT'S A FUCKING TERMINATOR MOVIE!  It will not win you an oscar. It will not showcase your abilities as an actor.  It will showcase explosions and computer graphics. Get over yourself. The end.

That's my rant.  It doesn't come close to his, but it'll do.  So in honor of Bale (who I really do love) and the opening of his craptastic, mindless blockbuster, I give you his good, his bad, and his ugly.  


Bad. (And by "bad," I mean the way we used it in middle school. Meaning "awesome.")

"There is an idea of a Patrick Bateman; some kind of abstraction. But there is no real me: only an entity, something illusory. And though I can hide my cold gaze, and you can shake my hand and feel flesh gripping yours and maybe you can even sense our lifestyles are probably comparable... I simply am not there." -American Psycho

Cannes Update:

And the winner might be...."Bright Star."
This film has been getting standing o's and lots of love.  It's the one to beat.  Because the story of John Keats is a badass story.  He starts writing at 22. By 25 he's dead and no one knows who he is. He never consummated his love affair.  And now he is one of the greatest poets ever.  And Ben Wishaw (love) is playing him.  

I just want to say...I knew it.  I knew this movie should be made.

Moving along...
Brad and Angelina are in Cannes and everyone cares except me.  I do like her dress though.  It's a nice departure from the ever present black-ness.  This "shades of beige" red-carpet thing is happening all over the place.

Penelope Cruz was spotted wearing it as well.  And being well. She had food poisoning the night before this photocall.  That is an amazing rebound.  You can't even tell she was icky the night before.

Can't quite say the same for Sparklefuck Pattinson, though.  Here he is at another Cannes photocall, strung out and hungover...par usual. (Still pretty though).

With that said...Scribbles and Sleight (and Paddy too)...this is for you. It dropped yesterday. 

Monday, May 18, 2009

What Recession?

Americans are buying and selling all over the South of France.  You want to buy Brad Pitt decapitating Nazi's?  That'll be a couple million.  Heath Ledger's last on-screen appearance will cost you even more.  
Did I remember to mention that, apart from being a prestigious film festival, Cannes is also the place where studios compete with other studios to pimp their film-ic wares? Oh...well, that's what Cannes is.  A place where people like Harvey Weinstein go to have a really nice working vacation and hopefully buy Warner Brothers the distribution rights to the next Oscar winner. 

Here are the top three buzzes I feel like buzzing about: (trailers below)

It's a musical drama. It has Judi Dench, Penelope Cruz, and, most importantly, The Last Great Hope.  For those of you who don't know, The Last Great Hope also goes by another name: Daniel Day Lewis.  
I would have never thought that The Last Great Hope would do a musical. But if anyone can, he can.

"Inglourious Basterds"
I really don't care about this movie. But a lot of people do. It will make a ton of money and forever cement Brad Pitt as everyman's (gay, straight, or otherwise) wet dream.  Pitt plays a ruthless, renegade Nazi killer. Lalala look at the blood. 

"The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus"
Heath.  Enough said.  Johnny Depp, Colin Farrell, and Jude Law are the fill ins.  This is a definite plus, but the real heart is Heath. (No trailer yet, but I will post as soon as it is released. It probably will screen at Cannes and then be ready to go).

And lastly, as a P.S.
Star Trek was amazing.  I really can't accurately convey the amount of fan girl giddiness that I felt as the credit rolled.  Do yourself a favor...nerd or not...go see this movie.  Now.

Saturday, May 16, 2009

5/16 Cannes-can-can't.

(Heavy exasperated sigh).  You know what that sound means.  And no, it's surprisingly not directed toward my thesis.  That would be more like (relentless crying).  No, this sigh is due to the fact that the film world is enduring another Cannes Film Festival.
In years past when I was younger and more foolish, I-like a lot of budding film freaks-was taught to revere Cannes.  I would roll my eyes at people who pronounced it "kahn" or "cans" instead of "can" and talk about how it was such a better litmus test of a film's merit than, say, the Golden Popularity Globes or The Academy Pity Prize. 

In time, however, I began to see the truth. That Cannes is perhaps the most wicked stepsister of them all.  It is the perfect opportunity for filmmakers and producers who have succeeded in the industry due to family connections and foreign accents to show their extremely well funded "indies" to a panel of judges made up of actors and actress like Robin Wright Penn ("Jenny" from Forest Gump) and Asia Argento (Vin Diesel's bitch in that movie "XXX") who will bequeath it with the highest honor a film can receive.   If pretension and celluloid had a child, Cannes would be it.   But maybe I am being too severe.  After all, I'm sure a lot of people feel that writing ridiculously long papers on the real meaning of other people's work is also a sham.  

The fashion thus far:
A comprehensive link eventually will be posted, once this thing ends (which it doesn't until the end of May). So for now, my likes and dislikes will have to suffice.

Elizabeth Banks. Don't know tons about her. She played the blonde bitchstress in an Apatow movie or two, I think.  But this dress is solid. Sooo good.

But this one...this one wins. Sure, it looks a little like something a Disney princess villain would wear...but what a statement! Such a strong look. And I love love love the double cuff bracelets. 

From left to right: good, great, bad.  It's like Robin Wright Penn and that other woman are deliberately trying to distance themselves from that ugly dress on the end.

Normally, I don't do feathers. Put this on an Olsen twin, and it would look like a drowning, dirty pigeon.  On this girl fits. She owns this. And in fashion, that counts for a lot.

Neat idea. But that weird little black and white rosette on the bodice is throwing an otherwise cool dress awry.

She's making my movie. My fucking movie. The one I have been saying should be written (by me) for years about the great romantic poet John Keats who died tragically at 25 from TB and because of his disease could never consummate his love affair with Fanny Brawne.  And she helped Ryan Phillipe cheat on Reese.  This "other woman" must die.  But her dress... I am undecided on.  The bow is obnoxious.  And as a whole, it kind of feels like something Hermione Granger would wear to a movie premier, yeah?

HAHA! And here is you natural disaster. She looks just like Lindsey Lohan will in two more years. And she is trying just as hard, bless her.

Tilda. Oh Tilda. You either love her or you hate her.  I respect her (amazing actress).  And, she takes risks; I admire that.  She has a recognizable, personal style which is essential.  I just don't happen to like that style.  Not for me.  But I won't throw her to the wolves.  They already ate Eva Longoria.

I rest my case.

That's it for fashion. I will round 'em up later.  Next post will deal with Cannes film buzz.

But for now, in a move of reverse snobbery (so you can get that dull, metallic taste of caviar and champagne out of your mouth)'s something truly low brow to look forward to.
Two weeks ago, Chuck confessed to Serena that he is in L-O-V-E with Blair. And Serena promised not to tell.  Eeeeeeekkkk!  

Friday, May 15, 2009

5/15- Willing Suspension of Disbelief

David doesn't like fantasy or science fiction.  After being with me for almost five years, I still cannot get him to watch Lord of the Rings or read Harry Potter.  He says they hold no interest for him.  I ask why?  He says their premises are too ridiculous and that he will just spend the entire time thinking things like "that could never happen."  
Yes. Correct.
And that is the point.
Even if you don't like science fiction, you do like escapism.  Everyone does.  We all need it in small to medium doses from time to time.  Hell, this entire blog is rooted in escapism. 

This leads me to the segment of this blog that, from this point on, I'm officially calling PLUG/UN-PLUG where I will either "plug" for the weekends big movie opener, or not.  (And yes, I am fully aware of the total grossness of the word "plug"...that's why I picked it). This week...

"Angels & Demons"- PLUG

I didn't read The DaVinci Code, but I saw the movie late one night on satellite.  It was pretty good (it kinda drug at the end).  A few weeks ago, I was in B&N and the Mighty Morphin Movie Machine was hard at work promoting the film by selling $6.00 paper back copies of Angels and Demons right up front.  So of course, like a lamb led to the slaughter, I bought one. I read it in one day and had a really good time doing it.  Was it great literature? No. But it was mighty fine book crack.  And from what I hear, the general consensus is that it's a better book than The DaVinci Code.

So, I'll go see the movie. The trailer is compelling. I like Tom Hanks. Apparently everyone else does too.  His movies always sell.  I don't think he's a good Langdon though.  If you've read the books, you'll agree that Tom Hanks is nothing like Langdon (at least in my mind).

In terms of religious content and controversy, Angels and Demons is much much less incendiary.  It doesn't tread the sacrilegious lines that people felt The DaVinci Code did.  In fact, I hear the Vatican is okay with this one.  They're not giving away free tickets like it's the "Passion of the Christ" or anything, but they're not boycotting.

But, be forewarned. It is not a plausible story.  The things in the book could never, never happen.  However, if you just want to willingly suspend disbelief for 2+ hours, it'll probably be worth your $7.50. 

Next up: Cannes fashion fun. Stay tuned.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Not a Post-Just a Note.

After talking with "scribbles" the other day, I realized how much I love the comments section!  Reading your comments is like hearing your voices in my head.  It makes me so, so happy.  So, from here on out, I want to promote/push for "comment conversations."  Agree, disagree, add to, subtract from my/other reader's words! I love hearing your p.o.v.'s!!!  Pretty much everyone who's a member of this blog either is, was, or is emotionally bound to an English major, so I know that all of you like to write and have strong opinions.  Let's hear 'em!
Rules: Be opinionated but nice. Snarky, playful in-fighting is encouraged.  You can insult any celebrity or piece of art you want, but you can NOT insult anyone on the blog.
Also...anonymity being the precious thing it is...I (and everyone else) will refer to fellow readers by their chosen "handle" unless they identify themselves or its obvious who they are.


Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Hi Loves!

After the picture shenanigans (no one could see them)...I have caved.  Officially.  
I am kind of nervous about this. I do not like being on the grid. But, I'm sure people like my secret agent father have access to my gmail account as well, so here begins the blog I swore I'd never have.

Rules: This is a closed blog which means only people I invite can follow.  You can, however, comment till your hearts content.  Also, if you know of someone else who'd like in on the snark, let me know and I will add them.  And lastly, I have enabled it so that, if you want, you can share blog snippets via. e-mail with others.  

The first entry is a repeat, but this time fun pictures come with it!

5/13-Snark Trek

It got great reviews. It opened huge.  And I have yet to see Star Trek.  
But, I will.  Oh, I will.  Because I, unlike those sorority bitches who claim to be nerds and drop Will Ferrell references for the sole purpose of getting frat boys to like them, am a nerd.  Unless you have waited outside of a Barnes and Noble at midnight for a copy of Harry Potter, or legitimately watched and have a favorite Star Trek episode (mine is "The Trouble With Tribbles") then you are not a nerd (or, at the very least, you need to be taken under review).  So, for those of you who have/or are planning on boarding the USS Enterprise, what do you think?


My initial thoughts?  Chris Pine (Kirk) and Zachary Whatever (Siler from Heroes) (Spock) look just like Shatner and Nimoy. Perfect.  But I am in the minority here: Don't think Pine is hott. At all. He looks like the guy who tries to ruffie you at a band party.  Hmm...must avoid thinking this while in the theater.


There were two biggies this week. The White House Correspondents Dinner (we can debate the legitimacy of this piece of shit event later...I mean, I love them, but who in their right mind thinks Natalie Portman and James Franco deserve to go to the White House to schmooze only to then pretend to have something important to say about...insert cause here) and the Met Costume Institute Gala (indisputably awesome).
Here are the fashion misses. And one shinning (although it will be debated) beacon of a hit.

Going to Prom.  
The first link is a picture of her at the White House Dinner (sorry, couldn't upload it). The others are from I don't know when and I don't really care. Just wanted to prove my point that she is a waste of red carpet space.  Seriously, Eva, we get it. You like ugly colors, fish-tail dresses, and looking like a mermaid en route to senior prom.

Next...another link...this time to a round up of Met fashion. Worst: Oh, too many to choose from. Very, very poor showing this year. Esp. Gisele Bundchen. You DO NOT ever, under any circumstances dress like a stripper and then attend the Gala.  I don't care if your quarterback husband hasn't impregnated you.  Best: You all won't like it, but... Leighton Meester. Leave it to Blair Waldorf.  She took a risk.  THAT is what the Gala is all about.  You are supposed to look editorial, not Eva Longoria boring/fugly.  Leighton looks fab. She also look like she's 22 and not a slut. Kudos.

And lastly: Fantaorgasmic

In breaking was announced today that everyone's favorite vampire and my own personal shamefuck Robert Pattinson (from "Twilight") is doing a new film with none other than the god of sex, stage, falsetto singing, and cinema himself...Hugh Jackman.  According to Variety, they are starring with Rachel Weisz (heart her) in a Western.  Weisz's husband's gets killed by a bunch of Indians and her kid gets carted off into captivity.  Jackman plays the ranger who comes to save the day and "ravage" her. Pattinson plays her hostage son.  It will probably be an awful movie.  But I LOVE westerns.  And you simply can NOT get any better than a tag team of Pattinson and Jackman in a 2 hour montage of facial scruff, sweat stained shirts and kerchiefs, riding, legs straddled on horses through New Mexico.  Who's up for a midnight showing?

Love you all!