Friday, April 30, 2010

T-Minus one week...

until Iron Man 2. Don't worry, a full post on that will come later this week.

But for now, we have a few other things to talk about. Like, Sandra Bullock.

She hid a baby. Do you understand? She hid a B-A-B-Y. For months. In Hollywood. During Oscar season. When she was doing an interview every other day, about a movie in which she plays AN ADOPTIVE MOM. I mean, shit. At some point, you have to guess that she just wanted to turn, look at the camera and be like "Yeah, the Blind Side mom and I have a lot in common. Like the fact that we BOTH ADOPTED A KID." I mean, how do you keep that to yourself. I can't even keep quiet the fact that I picked up ringworm from the gym.

And even more unfathomable is the fact that no one else talked. Like, no one. No friends, no family, no hangers on, not even her piece of shit husband (btw...Jesse James: really, really great sense of timing). I mean, that is iron-clad. You know Tiger Woods is totally envious of Sandy's posse.

And, just in case you were wondering, Cultural just got Hit-Girled by Sandra Bullock.

Speaking of Hit Girl (Ben! Are we still fighting?)...last night I went to see her other movie. You know, the one where she is all grown up? It's called "The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo."

For those of you who haven't been in a Barnes and Noble in the last two years...
The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo is the first book in the three part Millennium Trilogy by Steig Larsson. The books are dark and suspenseful and the main character, Lisbeth Salander, will fuck you up.

Yes, she's a psychopath and yes, she lives in a world constructed on her own warped sense of morality, but she's a better role model than Heidi from the Hills. Seriously, if we're talking about long term social and spiritual damage, Heidi poses a MUCH bigger threat to young girls' minds and hearts than Lisbeth Salander.

As far as the movie is's great. It's actually an incredible faithful adaptation and Noomi Rapace is phenominal as Lisbeth. If you have any interest in it, I suggest reading the books and seeing this film now. Because David Fincher is re-making it. And no offense to Fincher, but Lisbeth Salander probably hates Fight Club. And his re-make will undoubtedly be "less than." Even Peter Travers (who never gets it right) understands:
"If you ignore The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo...because it's in Swedish with English subtitles, you probably deserve the remake Hollywood will surely screw up."

(Warning: Both the book and the film are incredibly graphic).

The trailer is below. P.S. The trailer's not's a lot worse than the movie it's selling.

And speaking of things that are "Graphic" in the more literal and positive sense of the word...

I can't wait until Sunday. Because on Sunday, I will be seeing "The Secret of Kells."

No it's probably not for everyone, but if you have a soul and an appreciation for beauty, then it's right up your alley.

In all seriousness though, you rush to the theater to see any Pixar movie that comes out. Do the same for this. Yeah, it's animation and no, it's not Toy Story. But that's because it's smarter, more tender, and way more beautiful than that.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010


For weeks now, I have been planning on re-formatting the site. And what better time to re-veal the FFS make-over than the premiere of Kick-Ass.

Most of you reading this are spread far and wide, but those of you who do interact with me on a regular basis will realize that I have been keeping this one pretty close to my chest. In other words, I haven't really been talking about it, or really even acknowledging its existence.

To those of you who thought I was in the dark....fools. I was aware a long, long time ago. And it was one of those things I wanted to keep in my heart and store up...a little gem I could sneak a peek at when I felt down or depressed. Because this movie....THIS movie will KICK-ASS!

I mean, the premise alone is enough. I am a geek. Ergo: I love any and all superhero stories. I am also a bitch. Ergo: I love anything that satirizes anything. And above all, I am Nicolas Cage's eternally devoted lover. Which means, I will be weeping with joy when I see this movie tonight. Because Kick-Ass contains all of these things.

Here's the background:

Mark Millar (creator of the 'Wanted' series that was turned into the James McAvoy -dreamy sigh- movie) and John Romita, Jr. ('Amazing Spider Man') decided they'd had enough.
They realized that the comic book/graphic novel genre had gotten too serious, too self-important, and too far up it's own ass. So, they decided it needed a kick in the ass.

Which led them to the idea of creating a comic book series that both parodies AND celebrates the super-hero genre.

However, before they actually completed the first Kick-Ass installment, they decided to make it a meta-fictive, viral, communal project.

Here's the timeline: First...A MySpace page was created. The MySpace page is written under the guise of the (fictive) Kick-Ass. According to his MySpace, Kick-Ass is a comic book lover working on honing his super-hero skills so that he can fight real life bad guys. There is even a video on You Tube of a masked guy (Kick Ass) flailing around at a bunch of "attackers." Kick-Ass himself then informed his MySpace friends "that Mark Millar (the writer of Civil War and The Ultimates) is doing a comic-book about me with Marvel's greatest artist John Romita Jr (World War Hulk and Amazing Spider-Man)." After this, Kick-Ass decided that, in the interest of maintaining his secret identity, Millar and Romita should create a "fake" 'real' name for the comic book character. So a real, actual contest was held, and the winner of the contest, Dave Lizewski, chose his own name to be the name of the comic book character Kick-Ass. (Please tell me you are understanding how amazing and meta this all is...remember this all happened before the comic book was even fully written).

Then, the comic finally came out. It rocks. (It really is a good should read it). And now, it's time for the movie. Which will rock even harder. Watch.

Sorry, but for people like me this film is like a clitoral-vaginal orgasm. It satisfies my need for high-brow and a low-brow simultaneously. You can revel in all the intellectual genius of this project (which is constantly turning in on itself, up-ending and then re-up-ending it's own premise which challenges the lines between fantasy and reality) or you can just sit back, relax, and laugh.

Maybe most importantly, however, is that film will hopefully finally once and for all silence you Nic Cage haters. Because he Kicks Ass. He always has. He is an incredible actor (and if you think otherwise, you have never seen Leaving Las Vegas, Adaptation, or you are just an idiot). Sure, he has done some SHIT movies as of late. But that's because his dumb-ass self got into some serious debt and he was broke. Whatever. Hate the sin, love the sinner. And at least he did what he had to do to pull himself out of his self-made financial hole.

And now, he's back. Because, really, he will be the best part of this movie. Sure, I know everyone's getting all moist over the "Hit Girl"character, and rightfully so. A 12 year old assassin who swears like a sailor and tortures grown men is great. No argument from me. But how much more awesome is the father who created her? Because that is 'Big Daddy' aka. Nic Cage. Here's a little taste.

Ugh, I really can't explain it. I can't explain why he just does it for me. But he does. And I can try and say that I just like him in an intellectual "he's so quirky" Christopher Walken kind of way, but that's a lie. Because I'll admit it, I would fuck him. I mean, how crazy and funny would that sex be? He's too gentle to do anything really scary or fucked up, but he's wacky enough that you could imagine him creating these really elaborate, pyrotechnic role playing games that are just as much about the spectacle as they are about the physical....and I have just officially revealed too much.


Drop whatever it is you're doing this weekend and...

Shut-up. Fuck Crime. Kick-Ass!

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Warning!!! It's that time again.

It's the time where I ask you, my un-responsive readers, to Participate!!!

You should participate in this week's blog entry. Because I am putting myself out there and so am expecting you to reciprocate and do the same.

Because this week's blog entry is all about THE FIVE. You know what "THE FIVE" is. It's the list of the five Un-Obtainable people (musicians, actors, politicians, models, sports figures) that you won't really ever have the chance to fuck...but if you could...Oh, how you would.

Allow my girl Lainey to clarify:

"The Five is all about Fantasy. [It] is NOT about a relationship. The Five is all about ONE night. Or two nights. In bed. Conversation optional but not required. Which is why Johnny Depp is not on my Five. Johnny Depp, you see, is a Lifetime.

So don’t question David Beckham. I am aware that he can’t think on Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Sundays. And I am also well aware of what he sounds like. But he doesn’t have to talk to me when he’s rockin’ me…you know what I mean?"

So, to recap and summarize: The Five is about LUST....Who gets you going? Remember, we all have those people that we want to have coffee and babies and a 50th wedding anniversary with....BUT this ISN'T about that.

Final warning!!: This is not for the faint of heart. Like "Deal Breakers" this is for those of you willing to get off your high horse and spend some harmless time in the gutter. If you can't get real and acknowledge the basic (and very real) Fact that people have Desires (that aren't necessarily met by your "wonderful" boyfriend or girlfriend), by all means...don't play. But if you are game for a little harmless's just that...Harmless Fun.

So, without further goes!

Leanne's Five:

#1. Robert Downey Jr.

He is THE American Bad-Ass.

Oscar Nominated? Check. 2 yrs. in Fed Pen? Check. Recovered? Check. Devoted Father and Husband? Check. Funny and Charismatic? Check. Still One of the BEST Actors ever? Check.

Don't ever tell Bob he doesn't know. Because YOU don't fucking know. And he could cut you. And then steal your girlfriend. All with a wink and a smile that would make you want to be his friend regardless.

(P.S. Have I mentioned....I MET HIM?!!! And he was nice to me and my parents...when there were no cameras around and he had Zer0 reason to be. Damn. So. Much. Love for this Man.)

2. Daniel Craig

And it's not even because of the James Bond thing.'s not. I'm actually not a Bond fanatic. Never have been.

But one look at this man, and any woman knows that this man knows. He knows his way around a woman's body. Which means that, when the time comes, there are no questions. There is no "figuring it out". Some guys, you can just look in there eyes and tell that there is carnal knowledge. Daniel Craig is one of these men.

3. Sam Worthington

An important component of the FIVE is "the heat or popularity" index. Because everyone wants to hitch their wagon to the right star. In the early 90's it was Leo DiCaprio. Now, it's Sam Worthington. He was the star of Terminator:Salvation, Avatar, Clash of the Titans, and has about a zillion more high profile movies that have already wrapped. And he's ridiculously good looking. Sam heralds the cinematic return of the Alpha-Male. (Did I mention he's Australian? And use to be a brick layer?)

4. James McAvoy

Look, I don't only go in for the Alpha Males. I like my Beta's as well. And no Beta is sexier than my James. I mean, have you seen Atonement? The Library scene where they spontaneously make love against the wall? Please.

5. Nicholas Cage

I really don't owe you an explanation. Maybe I'll give you one around the time I post on Kick-Ass (coming soon!) But until then, just don't worry about it. Some people like to keep a freak in their back pocket. Nic Cage is mine. Judge me. Whatever.

For those of you who know me, you are probably asking yourselves....where's MATT DAMON?! Well, much like Johnny Depp is for Lainey...Matt Damon is for me. He's on my "LIFE LIST." Because I know if I ever did meet him and, by some miracle, he was single and spent any amount of time getting to "know" me, I would not let him go. Ever. I mean...Harvard English major...Best Screenplay Oscar (at age 25)...Jason Borne....? Please. My panties are off.

And for those of you who are, at this moment, judging me and my fidelity to's time for you to fuck off.
Because David has his own list.

(Some images NSFW-Not Safe For Work)

David's Five

1. Joanna Krupa

She's really hott.

2. Minka Kelley

She's hott. It almost makes me forget she's engaged to Derek Jeter.

3. Jennifer Connilley

She's beautiful. (Leanne would like to add: Apparently in 'man-speak,' this is very different from 'hot').

4. Mandy Moore

She's cute and carries herself really well.

5. Shu Qi

She's hot. And no, she's not a porn star. She was in the Transporter movies. And no, I don't care that all of you are making assumptions about me.

***Additional Warning! All Misogynists and Homophobes...stop reading NOW!!***

Here's the funniest thing about David's Five. I agree with some of it. Because Minka Kelley is beautiful. I can admit it. Hell, she's WAY more beautiful than me.
But, when I was looking around for great pictures of her, I didn't find my lady boner responding. Not at all. Which led me to ponder this: My Lady Five.

My Lady Five is the 5 women I could see myself with. Yes, even sexually. Because, on the Kinsey Scale, I am somewhere around a 2.

So basically, my Lady FIVE is similar to my Male Five. Both sexes IT. They have personality. They have intelligence. I feel like I could be friends with them. And we could also have *fun* together. Because, let's get real...pretty people can suck in bed. Male or female. It's not enough to look good. You have to have that glint in your eye that matches up to the glint in mine.

Leanne's Lady Five:

1. Uma Thurman

Maybe she could introduce me to Terrantino and teach me some cool karate moves.

2. Mila Kunis

She's hott. And you know that after 6 years on "That 70's Show" she knows how to tell a joke. And I'm sure she has great gossip on that idiot Ashton Kutcher.

3. Kiera Knightley

She looks divine. And she doesn't own a cell phone (for real. She only has a LAN line). And we could talk about books. Because she actually likes to read them.

4. Diane Kruger

After, we could go shopping.

5. Laura Linney

It's like with Nic Cage. Some just can't explain. Plus, she's the best actress of her generation.

So here's where I turn it over to you? What's your FIVE? And, do you have an opposite sex FIVE? If so what is it/are they? And thanks for playing along!

PS. This is on a totally un-related subject. But I keep forgetting to post on it. LOVE THIS DRESS. HATE IT ON HER.

This is classic "Dress Your Age 101." On a Carrie Mulligan or a Kristin Stewart (23 and 19 yrs. old, respectively) this would be AWESOME. This dress is fun and whimsical and is all about what clothes should be in your 20's. Because your t20's really is when you should wear stuff with a wink and a smile that says "Can You Believe I'm Getting Away With This?!"

But, I dunno. SJP just seems too mature for it. Which means it makes a cute dress look...well...dumb. Does this make me agist?

Sound off!!