Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Warning!!! It's that time again.

It's the time where I ask you, my un-responsive readers, to Participate!!!

You should participate in this week's blog entry. Because I am putting myself out there and so am expecting you to reciprocate and do the same.

Because this week's blog entry is all about THE FIVE. You know what "THE FIVE" is. It's the list of the five Un-Obtainable people (musicians, actors, politicians, models, sports figures) that you won't really ever have the chance to fuck...but if you could...Oh, how you would.

Allow my girl Lainey to clarify:

"The Five is all about Fantasy. [It] is NOT about a relationship. The Five is all about ONE night. Or two nights. In bed. Conversation optional but not required. Which is why Johnny Depp is not on my Five. Johnny Depp, you see, is a Lifetime.

So don’t question David Beckham. I am aware that he can’t think on Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Sundays. And I am also well aware of what he sounds like. But he doesn’t have to talk to me when he’s rockin’ me…you know what I mean?"

So, to recap and summarize: The Five is about LUST....Who gets you going? Remember, we all have those people that we want to have coffee and babies and a 50th wedding anniversary with....BUT this ISN'T about that.

Final warning!!: This is not for the faint of heart. Like "Deal Breakers" this is for those of you willing to get off your high horse and spend some harmless time in the gutter. If you can't get real and acknowledge the basic (and very real) Fact that people have Desires (that aren't necessarily met by your "wonderful" boyfriend or girlfriend), by all means...don't play. But if you are game for a little harmless's just that...Harmless Fun.

So, without further goes!

Leanne's Five:

#1. Robert Downey Jr.

He is THE American Bad-Ass.

Oscar Nominated? Check. 2 yrs. in Fed Pen? Check. Recovered? Check. Devoted Father and Husband? Check. Funny and Charismatic? Check. Still One of the BEST Actors ever? Check.

Don't ever tell Bob he doesn't know. Because YOU don't fucking know. And he could cut you. And then steal your girlfriend. All with a wink and a smile that would make you want to be his friend regardless.

(P.S. Have I mentioned....I MET HIM?!!! And he was nice to me and my parents...when there were no cameras around and he had Zer0 reason to be. Damn. So. Much. Love for this Man.)

2. Daniel Craig

And it's not even because of the James Bond thing.'s not. I'm actually not a Bond fanatic. Never have been.

But one look at this man, and any woman knows that this man knows. He knows his way around a woman's body. Which means that, when the time comes, there are no questions. There is no "figuring it out". Some guys, you can just look in there eyes and tell that there is carnal knowledge. Daniel Craig is one of these men.

3. Sam Worthington

An important component of the FIVE is "the heat or popularity" index. Because everyone wants to hitch their wagon to the right star. In the early 90's it was Leo DiCaprio. Now, it's Sam Worthington. He was the star of Terminator:Salvation, Avatar, Clash of the Titans, and has about a zillion more high profile movies that have already wrapped. And he's ridiculously good looking. Sam heralds the cinematic return of the Alpha-Male. (Did I mention he's Australian? And use to be a brick layer?)

4. James McAvoy

Look, I don't only go in for the Alpha Males. I like my Beta's as well. And no Beta is sexier than my James. I mean, have you seen Atonement? The Library scene where they spontaneously make love against the wall? Please.

5. Nicholas Cage

I really don't owe you an explanation. Maybe I'll give you one around the time I post on Kick-Ass (coming soon!) But until then, just don't worry about it. Some people like to keep a freak in their back pocket. Nic Cage is mine. Judge me. Whatever.

For those of you who know me, you are probably asking yourselves....where's MATT DAMON?! Well, much like Johnny Depp is for Lainey...Matt Damon is for me. He's on my "LIFE LIST." Because I know if I ever did meet him and, by some miracle, he was single and spent any amount of time getting to "know" me, I would not let him go. Ever. I mean...Harvard English major...Best Screenplay Oscar (at age 25)...Jason Borne....? Please. My panties are off.

And for those of you who are, at this moment, judging me and my fidelity to's time for you to fuck off.
Because David has his own list.

(Some images NSFW-Not Safe For Work)

David's Five

1. Joanna Krupa

She's really hott.

2. Minka Kelley

She's hott. It almost makes me forget she's engaged to Derek Jeter.

3. Jennifer Connilley

She's beautiful. (Leanne would like to add: Apparently in 'man-speak,' this is very different from 'hot').

4. Mandy Moore

She's cute and carries herself really well.

5. Shu Qi

She's hot. And no, she's not a porn star. She was in the Transporter movies. And no, I don't care that all of you are making assumptions about me.

***Additional Warning! All Misogynists and Homophobes...stop reading NOW!!***

Here's the funniest thing about David's Five. I agree with some of it. Because Minka Kelley is beautiful. I can admit it. Hell, she's WAY more beautiful than me.
But, when I was looking around for great pictures of her, I didn't find my lady boner responding. Not at all. Which led me to ponder this: My Lady Five.

My Lady Five is the 5 women I could see myself with. Yes, even sexually. Because, on the Kinsey Scale, I am somewhere around a 2.

So basically, my Lady FIVE is similar to my Male Five. Both sexes IT. They have personality. They have intelligence. I feel like I could be friends with them. And we could also have *fun* together. Because, let's get real...pretty people can suck in bed. Male or female. It's not enough to look good. You have to have that glint in your eye that matches up to the glint in mine.

Leanne's Lady Five:

1. Uma Thurman

Maybe she could introduce me to Terrantino and teach me some cool karate moves.

2. Mila Kunis

She's hott. And you know that after 6 years on "That 70's Show" she knows how to tell a joke. And I'm sure she has great gossip on that idiot Ashton Kutcher.

3. Kiera Knightley

She looks divine. And she doesn't own a cell phone (for real. She only has a LAN line). And we could talk about books. Because she actually likes to read them.

4. Diane Kruger

After, we could go shopping.

5. Laura Linney

It's like with Nic Cage. Some just can't explain. Plus, she's the best actress of her generation.

So here's where I turn it over to you? What's your FIVE? And, do you have an opposite sex FIVE? If so what is it/are they? And thanks for playing along!

PS. This is on a totally un-related subject. But I keep forgetting to post on it. LOVE THIS DRESS. HATE IT ON HER.

This is classic "Dress Your Age 101." On a Carrie Mulligan or a Kristin Stewart (23 and 19 yrs. old, respectively) this would be AWESOME. This dress is fun and whimsical and is all about what clothes should be in your 20's. Because your t20's really is when you should wear stuff with a wink and a smile that says "Can You Believe I'm Getting Away With This?!"

But, I dunno. SJP just seems too mature for it. Which means it makes a cute dress look...well...dumb. Does this make me agist?

Sound off!!


  1. Okay, I thought I'd mull over this post for a few days, but in the spirit of the post, FUCK IT. I'm just going to rattle off whoever comes off the top of my head.

    And you know what's weird? It's all actors as characters.

    Allow me to elaborate: I have always lived in a fantasy world of sorts, making even my crushes fantasy characters. And this list is always changing. *For now, my number one is Sparklefuck, or Edward Cullen, but NOT Robert Pattinson.

    I tried, I tried, oh how I tried to like him in the previews for "Remember Me," tried to find myself attracted to him as a normal, non-creepy, non-controlling, non-sparkly human. Nope.

    -Before that there was Harry Potter, beginning as a devout Potterphile (read: pedophile, ahem), but NOT Daniel Radcliffe.
    -Frodo Baggins, not Elijah Wood.
    -Ewan McGregor as Obi-Wan Kenobi.
    See a connection here?! If I saw the Chronicles of Narnia I would surely have a crush on the guy who plays Prince Caspian. And he's British to boot!

    -Daniel there's an actor I can get behind. I agree, Leanne. He knows what he's doing and you can tell. More, please. Haven't even seen the Bond movies. Not yet, at least...
    -James McAvoy I get, especially after seeing "Wanted." Before that, I did not 'want'! (insert lolErin)

    Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson. It's in his smile, in his seeming charm. I let the rest slide, if you know what I mean. (inappropriate giggle)

    Up next, my lady 5.

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  3. 1. Leo... R+J Leo, Shutter Island Leo. Doesn't matter. He was my first love and will be my last.
    2. Liam Neeson
    3. Hugh Grant
    4. Ewan McGregor
    5. Jude Law
    6. Thom Yorke
    7. Robert Plant
    8. Eddie Redmayne
    9. Prince William
    10. I'm spiraling out of control and must stop! That's not 5!

    1. Winona Forever
    2. Penelope Cruz
    3. Helena Bonham-Carter
    4. Julia Ormond
    5. Gwyneth

    This is an impossible task...

  4. Well, since I know at least 3 of Lena's 5 and she knows most of mine, here goes (even tho we had this drunken discussion already):

    1) Scarlett. Hotness aside, no one exudes WOMANness like her. Like....dude.

    2) Eva Mendes

    3) Deepika Padukone

    4) Beyonce

    5) Probably Monica Raymund at the moment.

    And if I have to pick guys'll have to get back to you on that.

  5. Re: Erin and Alice...Ewan McGregor for sure!!! He's like always right there, hanging around at #6 or 7 for me. Because I agree, 5 really is an impossible task.

    And D...the Beyonce one surprises me. And what happened to Alicia Keys?!

  6. it's always been beyonce. ;)
    alicia keys can be on my list. :P

  7. Okay, a few additions:

    A young Alec Baldwin, especially in Beetlejuice. He is definitely my #1. Of all time.

    And now, Seth MacFarlane: a good-looking guy whose wit and many talents push him to the top of my list. Yes, I have decided, those are my top 2.

    And my lady 5 I promised? I can't put any one in order, but no one can hold a candle to CATE BLANCHETT. I'd steal a smooch from just about anyone else though.