Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Listen. To. Me.

You guys should be excited to go see this movie. I, personally, cannot wait.

"Un Prophete (A Prophet)"

I referenced this briefly pre-Oscars. And while "El Secreto de Sus Ojos" won for Best Foreign Language Film (btw...WTF? b/c everyone thought The White Ribbon was a lock) I have no real interest in seeing it. But this movie...

But before you watch the trailer (which is MANDATORY), a word on Foreign Language Films.

You say the words "Foreign Language" in conjunction with "movie," and reverse snobbery happens quicker than you can say Abracadabra. I don't know what it is, but if you even tell people you want go see a movie with subtitles, they automatically assume you are a snob. And that the movie is boring. And that it will just tax their brain cells too much to read 5 words or less at a time in massive print.

This is obviously a sensitive subject for me, but I credit Foreign Films with carrying my love of movies into adulthood. I loved kids/teen/musical movies when I was little, but I had no interest in cinema beyond the level of "cotton-candy" entertainment. Until I was 12. And my mom (and why she thought this would be a good idea, I'll never know) took me with her to see "La Vita E Bella" (Life is Beautiful).

It LEVELLED me. It was interesting, and funny, and heartwrenching, and hopeful. I cried and laughed and cried. And I left the theater wondering why the hell I had ever wasted so much time on the Disney Channel. Since that day, I have been a cine-phile. I would beg my mom until she took me with her to the movies I was technically "too young" for....Elizabeth, Good Will Hunting, Shine...

So, no. "Foreign" Films (at least the one's that 'make' it to America) aren't for film critics who have forgotten how to be one of the masses. They aren't boring or inaccessible. They are really fucking great movies that just happen to be in a language you don't speak. So get off your high horse. And go see "A Prophet." Because it's not what you think.

In other, more superficial news...

The Oscar Curse Striketh Again.

It was....what? One day.... two days after she delivered her cute as a button speech and won her gold statue? For all the doubters...(ahem, David)...the Oscar Curse is For Realz.

A lot of you have gotten the wrong impression that I don't like Sandra Bullock. I totally love her. I mean, have you seen Ms. Congeniality 2: Armed and Fabulous? Plus, she's sweet. She's smart. She's funny. What's not to like?
Do I think she deserved an Oscar? No. But I don't think she thought she did either. I mean, it says something when a woman actually shows up in person to accept her Razzie Award for Worst Performance By An Actress (in the film "All About Steve") the very night before she wins the Oscar for Best Actress. She knows.

And her acceptance speech really was adorable.

As far as Jesse James is concerned...well, you all know how I feel about cheaters. They're Ass Wipes. But, it's not like they're uncommon. Or criminal. What really annoys the fuck out of me about Jesse James is that he embarrassed her beyond the levels of normal "my husband cheated on me with a total loser" embarrassment.

See, Michelle Bombshell-ed gave an interview a few weeks ago to some tattoo mag. saying that she was about to "blow up real soon." So, James knew this bitch was gearing up to talk. I mean, the math's not hard. If your screwing someone famous's husband, you want maximum exposure. Thus, if Sandy wins (which she was overwhelmingly predicted to do), Michelle talks.

Which means that fucker (James) knew it was coming; he knew the story would come out soon. And yet, he threw Sandy to the wolves. He let her go on and on and on in COUNTLESS interviews about how happy they were, what a great husband he was, how he always had her back, how she was so happy that she has basically adopted his daughter from his previous marriage to a drug addicted porn star. He let her make herself look like a fool. And, in all honesty, I do consider that criminal.

And speaking of philanderers....a few of you have asked me for my feelings re: Tiger Wood's first set of interviews since issuing his public apology.

Look. This one is NOT hard to call. The Masters are in a few weeks. Augusta National is a tight course. Barely any room separates the spectators from the players, and all the holes are crammed together. Which means, Tiger will be getting the fuck heckled out of him.

Problem is...he needs this. No really, I mean he NEEDS to do well at Augusta. He needs his sponsors to believe that his personal life won't affect his play aka. their product lines. He needs to show detractors that he is "putting the past" behind him and returning to global golf domination. Which means, he needs to be ON. He doesn't have room to get all jumpy when people yell during his backswing and interviewers beg for his life details over and over at the end of the day.

So, he's preemptive striking. He's doing the "tail tuck between legs" as many times as he can between now and the 13th so that he won't have to do it there. And so that, hopefully, Joe and Jane Smith will let it go and not fuck up his tournament. Because, let's face it (and you all need to listen carefully to what I'm about to say)....Tiger's ONE and ONLY concern in his life is TIGER. I don't buy his apologies at all, but I'm also over caring about him in any way, shape, or form. He's got that corner covered.


  1. I'm pretty sure that Bill Belichick showed more emotional remorse over cheating (in a football game).

    Cheating Tiger didn't necessarily turn me off. Robo-Tiger has completely turned me off. Either apologize and bare your soul or say, "Fuck all y'all." Attempting to do both is really a disgrace.

    (Robo-Tiger): I have so, so many people that I have let down. I'm a disgrace to humanity. I need to be executed. I'm worse than Satan.

    (Reporter): Uh. So. What'd you do?

    (Robo-Tiger): That's personal.

    (Reporter): Then why such a public apology?

    (Robo-Tiger): I HAVE TO KILL JOHN CONNER. *Kills reporter*

  2. His eyes do have the slight tint of a soulless machine hybrid hell bent on destroying the human race.