Monday, August 10, 2009

Post will be fashion heavy today.  Which means that film talk will be on hold except for my one final desperate plug for you to get up and go see a movie worth seeing: "District 9".  

For those of you who are sick of watching the same movie over and over again (you know the one-"independent woman" meets "skeeze with a 'heart'" and realizes that all she needs in life isn't confidence or a sense of self, uh-uh.  Instead, while climbing the corporate ladder and chipping away at that glass ceiling, the only thing she's really been missing and aching for is the primeval, primitive, cave man to fill her up and make her life make sense), "District 9" (sci-fi Apartheid allegory) provides immense relief from this.  Go. See. It.

To Fashion:  The Teen Choice Awards were Sunday, and I can hardly stand lowering myself to discuss that travesty of an event (really, Parents of America? you're 12 year olds are watching a show where they vote for best "hook up song" while they watch and cheer on their "idol" Miley Cyrus as she emerges from an actual Trailer and then proceeds to pole dance? to a song called 'Party in the USA'?! really!? REALLY??! and yet you still wonder why America is rotting from the inside out? fuck.)

Clearly, the Teen Choice Awards are only good for one thing: they serve as guide for how not to be, think, act, and especially dress.  Yep. that's right. Here are some spectacular, epic fashion disasters! Yay!

She makes my job easy, because really, there's no explanation necessary.

Would you expect anything less than from a Hills girl?  The huge string of sex toy pearls around her neck really make this outfit complete.  She's like Slutty Betty Rubble. Slutty Rubble. This is my new name for her. It's a good one.

Look, getting old demands respect.  And to Fergie's credit, she has avoided the Botox thus far.  But if you do make the respectable decision to let nature take it's course on your face, you have GOT to follow through by dressing for your face's age. With that said, ladies, Rainbow patterns are great. You should have them in your wardrobe and you should wear them throughout your 20's. After 35 though, they go away. Either to a neice, a daughter, or Goodwill. They do not accompany your crow's feet on the carpet. Sorry.

Dear Rory,
I've loved you so long.  I think you're great. But this dress.  Either get it tailored to fit your waif-like frame, or give it back to the thrift store from whence it came.  And just know, that if you were going for the vintage hipster look, you tried about 500x too hard.  
Here's hoping for better days,

And you Kim,
You dumb, dumb girl. Your new hair color suits your stupidity.  What did I tell you last time. 'Either get clothes that fit you, or fire your stylist'. You did neither. Which is why you still look like crap.  This dress does not fit you. I repeat, you must begin dressing for your body. You are curvy. Yeah, I know it stinks. I am curvy too. We can't wear just anything. You need to square with this. You have limitations. Work within them.

BTW readers, as you can tell, Kim has also made the unfortunate decision to go blonde.  I toyed with this idea a while ago. I almost did it too. Eyebrows and all. Thank goodness I woke up, or this would be my nightmare.

She's 19, but you'd never know it. This girl ALWAYS dresses like she is a 40 yr. old cougar back on the prowl.  Which is weird because her face is so fresh and young. But nevertheless she chooses to embarass herself by wearing ugly dresses that make her look like she snuck into her mom's closet to play big girl dress up.

Clearly, I am a big fan of girls dressing for their age.  But while Hayden tries too hard to be a sex-pot, this girl (I think she's one of those Disney products, not sure on the name) is dressing waaaayyy beneath her age.  She looks to be about 15, yeah?  I don't know about you, but when I was fifteen, I'd be damned if my mom made me buy my clothes from the "Limited Too".  Come on...smiley face muscial notes? A dress without a waist line? A baby-doll cotton vest over the ugly dress? All she's missing are some Mickey Mouse ears.

I dunno, Blair.  You and Serena should have talked this one over maybe.  Because while the dress fits like a glove and all, it kinda looks like you are off for a role playing sex date with Chuck where you pretend to be January Jones from 'Mad Men' and Chuck, in his penguin suits, plays Jon Hamm's even more evil doppleganger.  I dunno, but I kinda feel like I'm looking at a costume from a 1950's housewife fantasy porno.  Maybe it's just me, though.  What do all of you think? Do you like it, and I'm just being too harsh? Or am I right and there is something about this that is just..."off"? 

The ONLY good thing on the astro-turf.  Emma Roberts looks great.  She looks like she's 18, but also like she has an innate sense of high fashion. This is how to be age appropriate and fashion forward.  Love the black on white.  Love the booties. Nice following of the necklace embellishment trend.  And I wish you could see the back of this dress. There is a beautiful, scalloped cut-out on the high part of the back. Nothing skanky though.  You only see the skin of her upper shoulder blades. Nothing visible below the bra strap line. (And, please also note the pale, un-mysticed tanned skin, brown hair, and absence of beach wave hair.) Well done little Julia. Well done.

That's about all my snark can take for now.  More fashion soon though. Promise.

And an important final note:
Should the blog go public? By this I mean, should I allow anyone to access the blog? Right now, it is an invite only enterprise, but I have recently had a few people asking me if I have one, and rather than keep adding people, I have considered putting it on public domain space. Things to consider: PRO's- better exposure, more readers, more opportunities; CON's- could get into trouble if I get a "real job" due to strong language subject matter content, general feeling of uneasines due to lack of total anonymity.
What should I do? Sound off below.

Love to you all.


  1. As someone who officially reentered the working world at 8AM and has already "cleaned up" her facebook photos this evening in the event that "a teacher I'm friends with is friends with students and then students can see my pics".... I wholly understand the anxiety of going public. On the other hand, I don't see you going "public school teacher" anytime soon, so provided you don't say derogatory things about your bosses, I think you're probably safe.
    Much love.

  2. grrr! i posted, but it's gone!

    and my amazing link to twilight dolls! gone!

    stupid interwebz.

    short version on public viewing: i think you should. i don't envision you working in a stuffy place that wouldn't appreciate your musings anyway. :P