Monday, November 16, 2009

85 Million.

That's my prediction for "Twilight: New Moon"'s weekend box office total.  If you aren't in the movie "know," this is a HUGE number.  HUGE.  

Hard to believe, but it will make it. Guaranteed.  If you doubt me, you are obviously just trying to pick a fight, or you are unaware of the Twi-Crazy.

The Twi-crazy is the most bat shit insane stuff I have ever seen.  

No, really. Have you heard about this?  
It defies belief. It boggles the mind. Twilight fans are like pitbulls. Fiercely loyal, they will defend Stephenie Meyer, Bella, and Edward aka. Robert Pattinson to the seventh circle of hell even if it means sacrificing their morals or their young.  Seriously.

Proof: My favorite gossip blogger is Lainey Lu of (she's hysterical).  She's a smart, well-read chick who calls the Twilight series as it is: the idea is fun, the writing sucks balls, the movies are sub-par, and the actors are pretty.  But because she is willing to call a spade a spade, she engenders a lot of hate. Here is only a sampling of some of the hate mail she has received.

Lainey you are such a stupid bitch. I’m reading you gushing over Shia Ladouche’s ugly girlfriend. How can you say she’s pretty with ugly short hair? According to you everyone should get an Oscar except for the person who deserves one and that is Rob Pattinson. Steph said last year that he deserved it for Twilight the people are too stuck up and I agree. I predict they will wake up to his talent this year though unlike your stupid ass after they see him in New Moon. You will see on November 20 and the world will not be the same. There’s nothing holding him back now and his performance deserves to be appreciated instead of kissing Shawn Penn’s ass. How hard is it to play a gay? You just have to act like a girl. GO ROB! And F-CK YOU LAINEY.

(FYI: The actors playing Bella and Edward are named Rob and Kristin and are a...gasp! orgasm!... real life couple. This little tid-bit explains the following hate)

I better not see you snark about Robsten holding hands tomorrow or I will fly to Vancouver and stick some real American revenge inside your pussy Canadian chink ass. From Denise

Dear Lainey, remember this day November 10/2009 for it’s when we were reborn to busk in the light of the love of Robsten, rejoicing in the desecration of those that hate the goodness and only seek the darkness. From Cathy 

What’s up Lamey? Are you hiding? Why not blogs about this, embarassed now? WE WERe RIGHT ALL ALONG AND YOU WERE WRONG MOTHERF-CKER! Let me guess that is staged? WRONG AGAIN. Real love cannot be held back. You tried to soffocate them but the truth will always come out. From Linda 

Lainey, Nikki was just a distraction. Rob was waiting for his eternal. When she was ready he had his chance and he took it. The prize is their love. And we are the winners in this beautiful story. I am toasting you tonight with champagne. We went to buy a bottle because we finally have an occasion. From Sharon 

And yes, all the typos are theirs.  So sick. So sad and pathetic.  My favorite?  'We bought a bottle of champagne b/c we finally have a reason to celebrate.'  The horror, the horror.

The good news is that Lainey is a cool chick who takes it in stride and still really likes communicating with her readers. So, I recently sent her an e-mail about my own encounter with Twi-hards (a few girls I teach got all bitchy with me when I criticized the books).  This was her response as posted on her website the next morning.

Thanks for your emails re: Twi-Hard hatemail, I appreciate the balancing support. I feel I have to clarify though: these are not young girls, not teens. Each and every piece of hate is from an adult female. How about that?

Yours in gossip,


INSANE!!! But true. I did my own research and Lainey is right.  40 year old ADULT Twi-moms are the core of the Twi-hards.  Did you see Oprah on Friday? That alone proves it.  

What else proves it? On a more local/personal level, I received this from my most beloved Erin today.  Apparently, a customer was having a birthday meal at the restaurant where Erin works. Her friends brought along a "special guest" to surprise said birthday girl, and Erin was lucky enough to snap a few pics. with him.

Erin sees a "special guest" while at work

That's right. That is a life-size, cardboard cut-out of Edward Cullen, the Vampire given as a gift.  And I would be willing to bet half my next paycheck that she also received one of these.
That's right. They sparkle AND you can put them in the freezer.  With her Vamp and her cut-out, I'm sure she had a very meaningful birthday (is "meaningful" the right word?)

(Again-Thanks to Erin for sending these pics along. And to was a CUSTOMER that masterminded this.  My Erin was an innocent albeit enamored bystander. -wink-)

So...if you are planning on going anywhere this weekend, you might want to avoid the cineplex. And even if you want to see New Moon (I'll see it eventually I'm sure), I recommend waiting a few days until the Crazies disperse. 

This post may seem pointless, but I feel it's my duty to alert you to cult craziness and this is definitely a dark and increasingly loud sect. Plus, you need to be aware of what will be happening at theaters this weekend. With this said...You have been warned.

PS. I am so incredibly jealous of Lainey's hate mail.  It is my life's ambition to receive this kind of hate mail.  And no, I'm really not kidding.


  1. If you are getting hate mail, you're probably doing something right.
    That said, wanna go see New Moon some time after the madness dies down? We have an Effie's show December 4th and 5th. Perhaps we can double dip!

  2. I know. This whole entry was about not under-estimating the crazy. and yet, in a weird way, that's exactly what i did. will not happen again.