Thursday, June 11, 2009

6/11-Thank God I'm not living there now.

Maybe this is the real reason my mother and father have decided to take a month long vacation out West.  I will have to ask them.

I love Savannah, really I do.  Sure, it's an absolutely nuts-o place to grow up in, what---with the deep seated racism, economic polarity, and social snobbery.  But it's beautiful.  And amidst the evil people, there are beautiful ones as well.

But I am so glad I am not there right now.  Why? Because of all the bigoted bubba's, racist rednecks, superficial social climbers, and holier-than-thou hypocrites, Savannah has never had to deal with the likes of Bumfuck Cyrus.

That's right.  Miley Cyrus has invaded my city.  She has been photographed literally hoofing it on her unsteady, pre-pubescent colt legs around downtown, and most recently, tainting the waters at Tybee on a jet ski with a Vagina Virgin.  Apparently, she is filming some crap movie and decided Savannah was the perfect place.  

Miley, speaking on behalf of all Savannahians...Please, do not insult us.  We are not the perfect place for you.  We are above you.  

Apparently everyone else within the 912 feels the same way I do.  How do I know?  They recently held an open casting call for local guys to audition for a love interest role as well as minor speaking parts or to be extras in the film.  Do you know how many people showed up? 

Less than Ten. 
I shit you not.

The press, news media, and Miley's camp still can't figure it out.  How could a tween/international/paparazzi sensation such as Miley suddenly garner so little attention?  I will tell you.  

Only Savannah is impervious to star power.  That's why people like Sandra Bullock live there year round.  No one gives a shit about her, and she likes it that way.  But famewhores like Paula Deen and Miley...we hate.  We are the only breed whose sense of self-importance is above the ministrations and manipulations of Hollywood.  Their snob has nothing on our snob.  And THAT is why Savannah is the last great outpost of America.  In an age where people compete to be Paris Hilton's BFF, sell the souls of their 8 kids for a buck, or just generally worship all those who have been recorded by a camera, Savannah sets itself apart.  

Ironic, I know, but the snobs of Savannah may just save the world.

Here is a link for the article detailing the disastrous auditions.  I love that out of the ten people who showed up, one was a Savannahian/SCAD student just there to make fun of it.


  1. I have mixed feelings about Miley Cyrus. Give just about any girl fame and money at 13 and she will seem obnoxious or even be obnoxious to everyone else. I'm holding out on this one. She does also have a pretty distinct voice, an alto with a rasp that does not grate, so at least she does not sound like teeny boppers-of-late, as much as I love Britney Spears.

    She's not my cup of tea, but she's also a pretty easy target. But Kudos to Savannah for making its weakness its strength here! I did not realize how snobby the snob could get there. That is amazing.

  2. blleeecchhh. i just can't stand her. look at natalie portman. she was 10 when she did the professional. 11 when she did broadway. she had money and a name before she got her period. and she is no where near a hillbilly. and she was never any 22 yr. old guys jailbait. even if i wasn't from savannah, i wouldn't like this girl. if we had been in middle school together and she was a nobody, i can guarantee you...we would NOT have been friends.

  3. Well, I know I wouldn't be friends with her either. And hey, I did qualify my statement with "just about any girl!" Natalie Portman is a different kind of lady, though I must say, as much as I love her and admire her work, I don't know if I could be friends with her either. I'm not sure what it is...maybe it's because she never really smiles? Because it seems she feels the need to hide behind her education? That's something I'm all too familiar with. I like a dose of batshit crazy myself. But you never know until you actually know these people.

  4. Good jezebel on the mess surrounding Miley:

  5. oh no. i have no problem with her dating a jonas brother or any other person for that matter. she can sleep with whoever she wants, however old he is. she can do what she wants. the shitty thing though is what happens to the 20 yr. old when it goes south. he can get slapped with statutory. she can't. that's unfair.
    my real problem though is the constant mediation that she allows between her father and the boys she dates. when you begin blurring the lines between father/friend/boyfriend it can do fucked up things to a girls head. sure it's good to have concerned fathers, but it's a whole other ball game when your father talks to your adult underwear model boyfriend about your sex life (or, in cyrus case, attempts at abstinence). you have to wonder, with all that policing, who's policing who? is her father policing his daughter, or himself? is her boyfriend policing himself or her? is she being taught to police herself? it's just too creepy for me.