Wednesday, May 12, 2010

A few of you have been asking for my opinion after seeing Iron Man 2.

I mean, it was really, really funny. Way better jokes than Iron Man for sure. But a better movie? No.

The best part of Number 2 (besides Bob): Sam Rockwell as Justin Hammer.

He took that shit to the mother-fucking cleaners. Amazing acting. Every time he came on screen, my underboob got sweaty with anticipation. "What will he say next?" "Holy shit, he just made a Ulysses joke. Sucessfully."

Worst part: Scarlett.

Really, it's been a year tomorrow (and yes, there will be another post...apologies), and still when I speak, some of you choose not to listen. She's not a good actor.
I will repeat the statement. She's NOT a good actor. I don't care if you liked "Lost in Translation." Thank Sophia Coppola for writing a good movie. And realize Scarjo didn't do shit but say the lines.
And as Black Widow in Iron Man 2? Please. Are you fucking kidding me? She was terrible. lifeless. Beyond flat.

But here's the real point I want to make with this post. So,

(I rarely get serious on this site, but what I'm about to say in a rare example of me being sincere.)

You want to know what really pisses me off the most about ScarJo?

The public's perception of her body.

Let me clarify some things right now: I love fashion. I love clothes. And because of this, some of you will think I'm being hypocritical. But, believe it or not, I do live in the real world. And while I have and will continue to post pictures of women wearing pretty things on this site, please know that I "get it."

Allow me to explain. To a certain extent, it is totally fine to look at what women wear. FUN CLOTHING IS FOR EVERY SIZE and no one should feel ashamed to wear what they want. I firmly believe this. However, I also know that the fetishization of fashion is problematic. Because, you can't look at clothes without looking at the bodies underneath them. And most of those bodies are smaller than you even realize. But this is where a little pop education can help.

So here it one and only personal post.

I'm 5'2 with breasts and body dysmorphia. Therefore, I am hyper-sensitive to the representation of women's bodies in the media. Because it is honestly disgusting.

I will say this now. Scarlett Johansson is beautiful. Beyond gorgeous. But for all of you out there who think she's "A Real Woman" with "Real Woman Curves," it's time for you to GET A FUCKING CLUE.

Because, I've met Scarlett in person. And I've done the research. And guess what? She's skinny.

I will repeat that for you: She is SKINNY. Like, Skinny Bitch skinny. When I met her, she was THIN. I know, I was shocked. Because, like you, I had seen the "photos" of her looking all breasty. But, in case you were born yesterday, pictures lie.

Because, people DO look heavier on camera. But, there's photoshop to help things along. Photoshop can suck and shrink and then plump and pump where it needs to.

On the left is the Iron Man 2 Poster Image: On the right is a screen capture from the film.

Still don't believe me? You want the numbers game to prove it? Fine, I'll play if it'll get you all to wise up. I am 5'2 and currently weigh, on average, somewhere between 110-113 pounds. And I'm in shape. Like, probably the best cardio-strength shape I've been in since I was 18. And, as a result, I no longer have curves.

Scarjo is 5'3 (it's listed everywhere online) and weighs less than me. I will repeat. We are basically the same height and she weighs LESS THAN ME.
Look at the image above. That is her, in the film, WITH the extra 10 pounds the camera adds to a person. Can you imagine how thin and UN-curvy she is in person?!!!

So...wake up, people. Because those women you idolize...they are crazy when it comes to their bodies. They don't eat chips and salsa. They don't drink beer. Or eat cheese. They go to the gym twice a day for 2 hrs. They have colonics. And they are disgustingly thin.

So, Men.... next time you want to admire a woman for having a "real woman's" body, go have sex with your girlfriend.

And Women...know that I know. We all want to be thin. It's a struggle I face every day. But on those days when you haven't worked out in a month and you just ate a burger...look in the mirror and feel good about yourself. Go buy that dress you secretly love and want to wear. Because it's YOU who has the "real woman's" body, not ScarJo. Because she's just a fucking Hollywood Illusion.

I'll leave you with this. It's an un-photoshopped image of three models for one of those "women come in all sizes" issues. The woman ON THE LEFT is the "Super HoT, Super CuRvY" Victoria's Secret Model Alexandra Ambrossio. Yeah. That's the body of death. And those are A-Cup breasts.

And yet, this is the image of her you see in stores:

And, the coup-de-gras: Here's the "Final" cover picture for that magazine they were shooting. See how they've cleverly photoshopped out any major differences between the woman into One Homogonized Size 4.

Now, all the bodies are secretly the same but are being sold to you as "Different!"

And we wonder why we are a generation of disordered eaters.


  1. i love you. that is all.

  2. The camera really does add weight to a person; this is scientifically proven...but far too long ago and far too complicated for me to repeat here and now.

    I think the real issue here is the definition of "curves." When this whole "curvy" woman trend started coming around, it looked to me like they just meant women with boobs, maybe an ass. Scarlett (and yes, she is a terrible actress) has boobs and she has cheeks and lips that make her appear curvy. But curve is a relative do we define it? Do we need to? Is it simply a euphemism for love handles with tits and ass to boot? And then the issue of race comes into play when you consider black women. Beyonce has curves, as does the pre-weight-loss Jennifer Hudson. But Britney with the same body is just fat, culturally speaking.

    Is Kim Kardashian curvy? Or does she have an exaggerated hourglass shape? Or what about Crystal Renn? Is she the new definition of curvy? Does curvy have a size? After all of this body snarking and body analysis, I begin to question the need for these questions!

    We are women. We all have unique body shapes that make buying a decent pair of jeans a pain in the ass.

    Full disclosure of my stats: 5'10", 145 pounds, size 8 dress and jeans, B cup boobies, wide hips. Also a skinny bitch. But in the fashion world I'm borderline plus-sized.

  3. p.s. Nearly all of the Victoria's Secret girls have B-cups I believe, and like all print models they benefit a great deal from photoshop. Marisa Miller is the exception. Sticking your ass out or swaying your hip to one side can also create the illusion of curve.

  4. p.p.s. Scarlett won a Tony. Well shit.

  5. This comment may stir the pot a little...

    Although I do agree with this post, lately I have been wondering about the ideal body image presented by media, and then reality.

    Yes, I do agree that the media is responsible for perpetuating an unrealistic "ideal" body. HOWEVER, with the majority of Americans (and American children) obese these days... does it really matter? It seems to be falling on deaf ears anyway.

    Women sit at home and look at the "oh look who got fat" magazine articles to feel better about themselves. And then they feed their children crap, and those children are then fat, and so it goes.

    If people really wanted to look like these models (speaking of the majority here) they would start eating healthier and actually working out, as opposed to getting fast food and sitting on their butts.

    Obviously my comment does not address those of us who do make an effort to work out, eat healthy, and overall BE healthy.

    What those people need to realize is that life is about being healthy, and celebrities are being PAID to live a lifestyle where they have people watching their food intake/exercise levels and it's a part of their livelihood. Not so for the rest of us.

    That's all!