Monday, July 6, 2009

7/6- A note on Shamefucks

We all have them.  I don't care how in love with your boyfriend/girlfriend/significant other you are.  To deny that you have a Shamefuck is to lie.  There is a person, usually a celebrity or a musician (maybe even a writer or other admired professional), who you have never met, talked to, or had any interaction with that you can't get enough of.  Despite the fact that you know nothing about them, you are attracted to them.  Furthermore, you recognize that your desire for this person is shameful.  However, it's not simply shameful because of the "un-realistic"-ness of it; it is shameful because you know they are universally cringe inducing.

The person you're compelled to fuck, even though they're not the prettiest/sexiest/hottest or smart or clever or remotely appealing to most people. 

Example: I have made the claim that Robert Pattinson is mine.  This is only partially true.  I feel shame about my crush on him because it makes me feel like a delusional, 13 year old fan girl.   But he's not totally shame inducing because, let's face it, most people can objectively agree that the boy is attractive.  To be with someone who looks like that incurs no judgement or disgust.

Nicolas Cage is a different story.  He is my true Shamefuck.

Nicolas Cage is ugly.  I understand this.  Objectively, he is gross.  I get it. I won't argue with you. He's also a wack-o.  So, so strange.  But, still.  I just don't care.  I love him.  And those fucking National Treasure movies.

Lately, Nick has fallen off.  He has retreated from taking the kinds of roles that allow him to blow everyone away with his acting ability (I mean, have you see Leaving Las Vegas and/or Adaptation? Amazing acting) to indulge his obsession with comic books/fantasy novels.  With such gems as Ghost Rider and Bangkok Dangerous, Nick is fast approaching joke status.  

But, redemption is nigh! He's already getting buzz about the forth-coming "Sorcerers Apprentice" which comes out later this year.  Even better and sooner is Werner Herzog's new film "Bad Leutienant: Port of Call New Orleans".  Herzog is a widely proclaimed genius, and his films are either massive successes or burn up in the heat of their own ambition. Let's hope this one's the former.  The trailer is below.

I probably won't see this. Honestly, my only interest in this movie is the potential it has to reinstate Nick atop the Hollywood pecking order.  Because there's nothing better than seeing one's crush succeed.  


  1. i remember this conversation...
    i have an idea for your next blog post:

  2. Dude, that lady was probably using Betty's vaginal barbell:

    I've been thinking about who my shamefuck is for a couple of days now...I'll let you know when I know...I have a knack for forgetting who I am attracted to in Hollywood.

  3. My shamefucks are almost always comedians...they make me laugh but they are almost always goofy-looking too. SNL castmembers like Andy Samberg and Will Forte are on this list. Daniel Radcliffe is also there, but only if he's dressed not quite as dandily, as well as Elijah Wood, but only if he's wearing the hobbit wig. And closing his eyes a little bit. R-Patz though? He drips sex.