Post will be fashion heavy today.  Which means that film talk will be on hold except for my one final desperate plug for you to get up and go see a movie worth seeing: "District 9".  

For those of you who are sick of watching the same movie over and over again (you know the one-"independent woman" meets "skeeze with a 'heart'" and realizes that all she needs in life isn't confidence or a sense of self, uh-uh.  Instead, while climbing the corporate ladder and chipping away at that glass ceiling, the only thing she's really been missing and aching for is the primeval, primitive, cave man to fill her up and make her life make sense), "District 9" (sci-fi Apartheid allegory) provides immense relief from this.  Go. See. It.

To Fashion:  The Teen Choice Awards were Sunday, and I can hardly stand lowering myself to discuss that travesty of an event (really, Parents of America? you're 12 year olds are watching a show where they vote for best "hook up song" while they watch and cheer on their "idol" Miley Cyrus as she emerges from an actual Trailer and then proceeds to pole dance? to a song called 'Party in the USA'?! really!? REALLY??! and yet you still wonder why America is rotting from the inside out? fuck.)

Clearly, the Teen Choice Awards are only good for one thing: they serve as guide for how not to be, think, act, and especially dress.  Yep. that's right. Here are some spectacular, epic fashion disasters! Yay!

She makes my job easy, because really, there's no explanation necessary.

Would you expect anything less than from a Hills girl?  The huge string of sex toy pearls around her neck really make this outfit complete.  She's like Slutty Betty Rubble. Slutty Rubble. This is my new name for her. It's a good one.

Look, getting old demands respect.  And to Fergie's credit, she has avoided the Botox thus far.  But if you do make the respectable decision to let nature take it's course on your face, you have GOT to follow through by dressing for your face's age. With that said, ladies, Rainbow patterns are great. You should have them in your wardrobe and you should wear them throughout your 20's. After 35 though, they go away. Either to a neice, a daughter, or Goodwill. They do not accompany your crow's feet on the carpet. Sorry.

Dear Rory,

I've loved you so long.  I think you're great. But this dress.  Either get it tailored to fit your waif-like frame, or give it back to the thrift store from whence it came.  And just know, that if you were going for the vintage hipster look, you tried about 500x too hard.  

Here's hoping for better days,

Leanne

And you Kim,

You dumb, dumb girl. Your new hair color suits your stupidity.  What did I tell you last time. 'Either get clothes that fit you, or fire your stylist'. You did neither. Which is why you still look like crap.  This dress does not fit you. I repeat, you must begin dressing for your body. You are curvy. Yeah, I know it stinks. I am curvy too. We can't wear just anything. You need to square with this. You have limitations. Work within them.

Regretfully,

Leanne

BTW readers, as you can tell, Kim has also made the unfortunate decision to go blonde.  I toyed with this idea a while ago. I almost did it too. Eyebrows and all. Thank goodness I woke up, or this would be my nightmare.

She's 19, but you'd never know it. This girl ALWAYS dresses like she is a 40 yr. old cougar back on the prowl.  Which is weird because her face is so fresh and young. But nevertheless she chooses to embarass herself by wearing ugly dresses that make her look like she snuck into her mom's closet to play big girl dress up.

Clearly, I am a big fan of girls dressing for their age.  But while Hayden tries too hard to be a sex-pot, this girl (I think she's one of those Disney products, not sure on the name) is dressing waaaayyy beneath her age.  She looks to be about 15, yeah?  I don't know about you, but when I was fifteen, I'd be damned if my mom made me buy my clothes from the "Limited Too".  Come on...smiley face muscial notes? A dress without a waist line? A baby-doll cotton vest over the ugly dress? All she's missing are some Mickey Mouse ears.

I dunno, Blair.  You and Serena should have talked this one over maybe.  Because while the dress fits like a glove and all, it kinda looks like you are off for a role playing sex date with Chuck where you pretend to be January Jones from 'Mad Men' and Chuck, in his penguin suits, plays Jon Hamm's even more evil doppleganger.  I dunno, but I kinda feel like I'm looking at a costume from a 1950's housewife fantasy porno.  Maybe it's just me, though.  What do all of you think? Do you like it, and I'm just being too harsh? Or am I right and there is something about this that is just..."off"? 

The ONLY good thing on the astro-turf.  Emma Roberts looks great.  She looks like she's 18, but also like she has an innate sense of high fashion. This is how to be age appropriate and fashion forward.  Love the black on white.  Love the booties. Nice following of the necklace embellishment trend.  And I wish you could see the back of this dress. There is a beautiful, scalloped cut-out on the high part of the back. Nothing skanky though.  You only see the skin of her upper shoulder blades. Nothing visible below the bra strap line. (And, please also note the pale, un-mysticed tanned skin, brown hair, and absence of beach wave hair.) Well done little Julia. Well done.

That's about all my snark can take for now.  More fashion soon though. Promise.

And an important final note:

Should the blog go public? By this I mean, should I allow anyone to access the blog? Right now, it is an invite only enterprise, but I have recently had a few people asking me if I have one, and rather than keep adding people, I have considered putting it on public domain space. Things to consider: PRO's- better exposure, more readers, more opportunities; CON's- could get into trouble if I get a "real job" due to strong language subject matter content, general feeling of uneasines due to lack of total anonymity.

What should I do? Sound off below.

Love to you all.

I wasn't planning on posting, but apparently I am now an insomniac and can no longer sleep like a normal human. Plus, the worlds of Writing and Film lost a wonderful talent today, and I am compelled to eulogize.

John Hughes was a genius, and Hollywood will be indebted to him for decades to come.

For those of you who aren't familiar, John Hughes pretty much created teen cinema. Everytime you go to the theater and see a film like "She's All That" or, more recently, "Nick and Nora," you are watching pale mimickries of the John Hughes formula. He was a "sometimes" director, but he was an "all the time" writer. Films that he wrote include:

Sixteen Candles

The Breakfast Club

Pretty in Pink

Ferris Buller's Day Off

Some Kind of Wonderful

Weird Science

National Lampoon's European, Christmas, (and other) Vacations

Beethoven

Home Alone

Curly Sue

Mr. Mom

Flubber

...and lots more

Looking back on his body of work, I can safely say that John Hughes' movies got me through different stages of my life. I was obsessed with Beethoven. Forced my mom to buy the VHS for my birthday one year: It was THE ONLY thing on my "list".

Before Beethoven, though, was Curly Sue. Curly Sue was one of the first "PG/non-cartoon" movies I ever saw in the theater. I was six and my parents took me because they were John Hughes fans.

And Home Alone. For me, the 90's don't exist without Home Alone. Even now, in old, independently owned movie rental stores, you can still find Macaulay Culkins' face on faded Home Alone posters above the check-out counter.

And then I hit puberty. But lo and behold, John was still there for me. I watched Pretty and Pink, The Breakfast Club, and Sixteen Candles thousands of times. I knew each and every character as if they were a part of me. I saw pieces of myself in each of them, and when they laughed, cried, or cheered, I did too. Whenever Dirty Dancing would come on, I would gladly snap off the television and go do something else. But I would sit and watch TBS for hours if Molly Ringwald showed up. When Anna's parents and then her then boyfriend epically neglected her on her 17th birthday, I knew the remedy. She came over and we watched Sixteen Candles, and the world was suddenly better, brighter. To this day, we still say things like "Remember your horrible (it really, really was) birthday when we watched Sixteen Candles."

Farmer Ted: "King of the Dipshits"

For this and other reasosn, Sixteen Candles is probably my all time fav. and about a year ago, I forced David to watch it. There are some things that are so much a part of you, that you have to share them with those close to you so that they can understand you a little bit better. So David watched it. And loved it. Laughed his ass off while I sat curled up next to him, watching his reactions, grinning and purring like the cheshire cat.

A compliation WITH the wedding! (aka. best part of the whole movie)

Even as recently as a couple months ago, I found myself still clinging to John. I had to go to a costume party where you dressed up as a cultural icon from the year you were born. Lots of things happen in 1985, but for me, only one thing really happened and that was The Breakfast Club. So, I went as Allison (pre-makeover of course). And even though I looked scary and had to explain to people who I was, I felt completely comfortable and happy to be walking in her ugly shoes.

It's easy to dismiss literature that colors the pop culture landscape as shoddy or not of the highest quality. But John Hughes really was a genius. He took classic romantic, political, and socio-economic story elements and re-fashioned them for a new breed of American teenager. His films are funny and smart and they will always, always be around.

John, you are loved and will be missed.

John Hughes, Jr. (February 18, 1950-August 6, 2009)

P.S. Fuck "The Notebook." Best. Kiss. Ever.

I have a chronic illness called Laziness.

Looking at the archives for this blog, I see that I only posted four entries for the entire month of July.  No amount of birthdays or vacations can excuse my lack of writing.  So, I'm turning over a new leaf and will be posting more in August.  And (as always) if you don't want to read, just hit "Delete."

First Up:

I have talked to a couple of you about this, so I will be brief.  You MUST watch True Blood.  It is THE best show on t.v. that you aren't watching.  It's in its second season now, but the DVD's of Season One hit the shelves recently, which means that (combine with the "internet pirating" option) you have no excuse not to get hip to this show.

Where Twilight fails to serve the Vampire mythos, True Blood delivers.  It is smart, sexy, and totally tounge-in-cheek.  While Bella and Edward stare into each others eyes in a daze of melodramatic abstinence, True Blood is full of campy characters, self reflexive humor, and psycho-sexual exploration.  For example: Lafayette

Lafayette is my favorite character on the show.  He is a black, gay, male, short order cook working in a bar in Southern Louisiana. He also works second jobs as a prostitute, drug dealer, and operator of an internet porn site.  His clientele are mostly comprised of Senators and local and state government officials.  He is by far the best thing on TV.  Don't believe me? Watch.  "Tip yo waitress." Priceless.

 

Next: I've also noticed that the blog has been film heavy and fashion light.  This too must be remedied.  I'll start by taking baby steps.  This one combines fashion and film.

It's the soon to be shown documentary called "The September Issue" and details the life of Editor in Chief of Vogue, Anna Wintour.

Anna, her bob, her bitch-face, on the floor

For those of you unfamiliar with fashion journalism, September is the more important of the two months when "Fashion Week" takes place.  Fashion Week is where all the big designers showcase their lines for the next season, and, as such, fashion magazines look to cover all the bases and showcases the "new trends in fashion."  Vogue does this by publishing a thick-as-a-brick September issue (its usually 800+ pages).  The documentary picks this "high stress" time frame to follow and document Anna in her professional and personal life.

If you're paying attention, you'll remember that Anna Wintour was the model for the evil boss in the book/movie "The Devil Wears Prada."  Wintour is notorious for being an ice queen and has such great nicknames as "Nuclear Wintour" and the "Wintour of our discontent."  I am curious to see if this film has Anna coming out smelling like a misunderstood rose, or if we will get to see her Cruella De Ville-ness is its full glory.  Please, please hope for the latter.

And for a closer/quick fashion hit:

The WORST of the worst this week.  This is how to NOT wear pants. Terrible.  Awful.  Kim Kardashian should never be allowed near harem pants again.  And that top?  What was she thinking?!

This does not mean that you should never try pants or even rolled pants.  They can be done right.  Unfortunately for Kim, this takes style and poise, both of which she lacks.  But which Penelope Cruz has in spades.  See Exhibit B aka. my FAVORITE thing this week. This is perfect(!) execution. Monochrome suits are hard. Red on the red carpet is hard.  Penelope does both right.  

Do you see the difference?  And no, it's not because P is thinner.  They are both short ladies. They both have huge breasts.  P just knows how to dress: tailored and for her body.  Kim, you should be taking notes.  And firing your stylist.

x0x0

'Till next time.

12/29- I used to hate my birthday.

Having a summer birthday when you're younger sucks.  If you actually want to celebrate it with your friends you have to invite everyone over weeks in advance and you basically only have one option: the "pool-party".  This inevitably ends up being a disaster since it's so damn hot that the cake melts, everyone gets sunburned, and all your presents end up being pool noodles or floats.

But now that I'm older, it's great.  I get to use my summer birthday as an excuse to go on vacation. Which is what I did this year in San Francisco.  Such a great b-day treat.  And our dear friend Mark got engaged on the 24th as well (Congrats!).  It was a special day all around.  

Plus, it was the date of the annual film sci-fi/geek-gasm that is Comic Con.  This year, Comic Con was in San Diego and I swear to you, you could hear the fan-girl screams and nerd grunts as far as the Golden Gate Bridge.

For those of you who don't know, Comic-Con is (among many other things) an annual film/tv convention dedicated to sneak-peaks, pre-sceenings, and interview/discussion panels with cast and crew of what I will call "alternate reality films."  Comic books movies such as Iron Man 2 and Avatar work the rounds alongside fantasy films such as Tim Burton's Alice and Wonderland and those fucking Twilight disasters.

There's an awful lot to sift through at Comic Con, so for those of you more gainfully employed, I have attempted to separate the sheep from the goats.

Sheep: (aka. PLUGs)

"District 9"

Credit must be given to Sleight for this one.  She turned me onto this long before Comic Con, but apparently it was all the buzz at the convention this year.  Peter Jackson (LOTR) is backing it, but don't worry, this film is no child's play.  The plot revolves around "refugees" who land in South Africa and then are segregated, placed in confinement, and forced to work.  It's a documentary/sci-fi reinterpretation of Apartheid and looks pretty damn awesome.  

"Alice in Wonderland"

Yes. If you don't know about this, you should.  Tim Burton's doing Alice.  And it will be creepy as all get out exactly the way Lewis Carroll intended it to be.  There was a discussion panel and Burton was all weird and looking like a modern day version of Carroll himself.  He answered questions. He showed the first ever trailer.  If you are one of those chicks who loses it over Johnny Depp, this will either cement it forever or break it (beyond repair) for you. He's the Mad Hatter. See below.

"Iron Man 2"

I have a huge, eternal, un-wavering devotion to Robert Downey Jr.  I don't care that he was a drug addict and screwed himself up for a long time.  He is smart and funny and amazing.  While most of our generation wets themselves over Johnny, my heart and loins are much more susceptible to Bob. 

Robert Downey Jr. is a true maverick.  He's legitimately hard core and quite honestly makes Johnny Depp look like a pussy. Do NOT fight me on this.

Apparently he killed it at the panel discussion.  He and John Favreau (director) showed a fake clip that was really bad and passed it off as the real thing to a horror stricken audience before showing the real clip which was amazing (will post when they become available). 

And speaking of amazing, Bob was smiling and gracious as he pulled double duty promoting Sherlock Holmes as well.  Can't really tell you that I'm happy about this movie.  So, even though it pains me to say it...

Goats: (UN-PLUGs)

"Sherlock Holmes"

This is not Bob's fault.  He will be funny, and cute, and charismatic.  He will do a great job. But Holmes was not Jackie Chan.  In fact, he was actually a bit of a dandy.  Furthermore, his "love" interest was actually never interested in him, and they never made love.  So, if you want to see an action film where Bob is told by the writers and directors to play a send up of Arthur Conan Doyle amidst some explosions, go see this.  But for greater accuracy and enjoyment, read the books.

"Twilight: New Moon"

It looks like it will be marginally better than Twilight, but only just so.  Why, why do bad movies happen to good directors?  You would think that it would be all their fault, right?  A film is bad, it must be the directors fault?! Apparently not.  Apparently, if you have awful source material (for reference, please see any of the Twilight books), a bad screenplay, and a tight-wad studio budget, it will outweigh your innate ability to make a movie.  Just ask Catherine Hardwick.  Great director. Awful movie.

Sadly, it's now Chris Wiesz's turn.  He did "About A Boy."  Such a good movie.  It's on my top 30 for sure.  But he has been tragically bitten by the curse that is the Twilight universe.  I mean, really, is it so hard for a studio to scrounge up some cash to make a wolf not look like a teddy bear?  We are supposed to be afraid of that? Right.

And lastly...

"Avatar"

Leave it to James Cameron to make an incredibly expensive movie that will suck.  It's what he does best.   And this, friends, is supposed to be cutting edge.  But apparently the sneak peak disappointed all but the die hards.  10 foot tall blue people are a tough sell. 

PS. Yes, my parents and I did meet Robert Downey Jr. when I was eight.  He had just been nominated for the Academy Award for "Chaplin."  He stopped and talked to us and was so nice and gracious.  I told him I thought he was funny, and he palled around with me for a few minutes doing Charlie Chaplin impressions while I laughed and my parents took pictures.  He then signed an autograph and took a "real picture" with me and couldn't have been nicer to anyone let alone a little kid.  We will meet again someday.  It's destiny.

If you normally read these in e-mail format, switch it up and read via. the blog-site http://www.filmfashionsnark.blogspot.com

You may not be able to see some of the post components if you settle for the e-mail version and you will want to see everything.

Because today is different.  Today is special. 

7/13-They're calling it the best yet.

Right now, The Half Blood Prince is at 97% on Rotten Tomatoes. 97%. For those of you unfamiliar with RT ratings, 97% is damn good.  Oscar winners have gotten less.  Until now, Alfonso Curon's direction of the third Potter film (the Prisoner of Azkaban) has been considered the "best" of the franchise and it only received 89%.  

Point: Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince is fucking awesome.

Proof: Let's begin with the trailer. 

Amazing.  No one does sets or special effects like HP.  If you like films, you should go see it for this reason alone.

But for those of you who are still not convinced, here is why you really should shelve your disinterest and go to the theater.

"The Half Blood Prince" is the sixth Potter book and, it is (in my opinion) the best story for adult audiences.  It is by far the most philosophical and cerebral, since it deals with questions of identity, memory, and in a round about way, sex.  

In the book, Harry is 16.  His godfather Sirius has just been murdered and the War is now well underway.  Because of this, Prof. Dumbledore takes Harry under his wing to teach him, not advanced magic tricks, but about the character and person of Voldemort.  He uses "memories" to show Harry elements of Voldemort's past and hopes that, by understanding his enemy, Harry can defeat him.  

Meanwhile Harry is struggling to accept the terms and conditions of the prophecy "Neither can live while the other survives" and that he is the one who has to kill Voldemort.  The theme of identity is a big one in the Harry Potter series and is on full display in the 6th book.  Over and over again Harry and his foil Draco Malfoy are both struggling to understand the difference between "choice" and "fate" and how both shape who you are.  The Draco story line is my favorite.  

 In the midst of everything, all the kids (especially Ron and Hermione) are dealing with their own sexualities.  Love, hate, and fighting all ensue.  Finally, everything comes to a head when Harry uncovers a potions/spell book that belonged to someone called the "half blood prince" that begins to, in a way, "poison" his mind.  

Another reason to see it:  the actors.  You can NOT find another film with this many dames, knights, and general bad-ass actors in it.  Sir Michael Gambon, Dame Maggie Smith, Helena Bonham Carter, Alan Rickman, Ralph Fiennes, Robbie Coltrane, Jim Broadbent (he's playing Slughorn!).  These are the gods and goddesses of stage and screen.  They are legends.

And the kids! They are sooo good.  They can act.  Especially Daniel Radcliffe.  And they're adorable.  I mean, just look at Emma Watson's new Vogue photo shoot.  I want to be there, wearing those clothes. Now.

The final clarion call:

Book 6 is one of the best.  David Yates (the film's director) understands the books and understands cinematography. And although "The Half Blood Prince" is still a pretty dark story, Yates is trying to make this one the most accessible Potter film yet.  It's a good plan.  Draw in as many lost sheep as you can before the finale.

Bottom line...Harry Potter is a great story.  JK Rowling makes it human and real.  Apart from the premise which is extraordinary, it is a very very ordinary tale about the struggle for the good in one's own soul in the face of the option which is infinitely more easy: evil.

It's a busy blog post week.

I know I am inundating your in-boxes.  There was the post Monday, the one today, and of course, Harry deserves nothing less than his own separate post coming soon.  But I will be out of town for the next three weekends in a row, so there will be a nice long break.

Right now, though, sooo much to talk about.

First Up: The trailer for Diablo Cody's next film "Jennifer's Body" just hit the net!!!  Cody is, of course, the Academy Award winning screen writer of Juno looking to bypass the Sophomore Slump by writing a film that is nothing like her last one.  Jennifer's Body is about a possessed zombie cheerleader who makes it her mission to seduce and then devour over-sexed high school boys.  It's the Man Eater tale for our generation and looks very very promising.  If Cody does this right, it could be a really interesting expansion of, lets face it, increasingly outdated thinking about feminine psycho-sexual behavior.  Or it could fail miserably.  We'll just have to wait and see.  

But the trailer looks great. Really, you should watch it.  And, Megan Fox's acting doesn't look completely horrible.  Who knows, maybe the role of "plastic face femme fatal" is what she was born for. 

Next: 500 Days of Summer

Hold on to your skinny jeans, hipsters.  Because Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Zooey Deschanel, the king and queen of the Williamsburg prom, are appearing in a movie together.  It's a "coming of your 20 somethings love story" full of indie tunes and vintage clothes.  And all the 40 year old ex-hipster film critics are loving it.  Personally, I'm a bit tired of the whole Garden State thing, but I'll give you the trailer for your consideration.

And lastly: Bruno. Unless you have been living under a rock, you know it's out there, waiting for you at the cineplex.  But will you see it?  Honestly, I don't really feel qualified to tell you what to do either way.  As with Borat, some critics love it.  Some hate it.  I like the fact that Sasha Baron Cohen is taking us to task for our adoration of the cult of the celebrity and taking the celebrities to task for adoring themselves.  But his message and his tactics for getting it are always problematic.  

Like Borat, this film is awash in controversy.  People are suing left and right for what basically adds up to extortion.  Plus, some gay activist groups are charging that the film is actually promoting homophobia (the thought being that Baron Cohen is 1. perpetuating gay stereotypes and 2. in so doing reinforcing homophobia among movie goers not intelligent enough to know that the finger is actually pointing towards them).  Basically, it's Borat Redux.  So I guess if you liked that, you can go see this.  Or, you can always watch it in a year when some cable network buys the rights and censors the s#*t out of it.

Provoking thoughts at the Berlin premiere.  Note the mismatching.  

7/6- A note on Shamefucks

We all have them.  I don't care how in love with your boyfriend/girlfriend/significant other you are.  To deny that you have a Shamefuck is to lie.  There is a person, usually a celebrity or a musician (maybe even a writer or other admired professional), who you have never met, talked to, or had any interaction with that you can't get enough of.  Despite the fact that you know nothing about them, you are attracted to them.  Furthermore, you recognize that your desire for this person is shameful.  However, it's not simply shameful because of the "un-realistic"-ness of it; it is shameful because you know they are universally cringe inducing.

Shamefuck
	The person you're compelled to fuck, even though they're not the prettiest/sexiest/hottest or smart or clever or remotely appealing to most people.  -Urban Dictionary.com

Example: I have made the claim that Robert Pattinson is mine.  This is only partially true.  I feel shame about my crush on him because it makes me feel like a delusional, 13 year old fan girl.   But he's not totally shame inducing because, let's face it, most people can objectively agree that the boy is attractive.  To be with someone who looks like that incurs no judgement or disgust.

Nicolas Cage is a different story.  He is my true Shamefuck.

Nicolas Cage is ugly.  I understand this.  Objectively, he is gross.  I get it. I won't argue with you. He's also a wack-o.  So, so strange.  But, still.  I just don't care.  I love him.  And those fucking National Treasure movies.

Lately, Nick has fallen off.  He has retreated from taking the kinds of roles that allow him to blow everyone away with his acting ability (I mean, have you see Leaving Las Vegas and/or Adaptation? Amazing acting) to indulge his obsession with comic books/fantasy novels.  With such gems as Ghost Rider and Bangkok Dangerous, Nick is fast approaching joke status.  

But, redemption is nigh! He's already getting buzz about the forth-coming "Sorcerers Apprentice" which comes out later this year.  Even better and sooner is Werner Herzog's new film "Bad Leutienant: Port of Call New Orleans".  Herzog is a widely proclaimed genius, and his films are either massive successes or burn up in the heat of their own ambition. Let's hope this one's the former.  The trailer is below.

I probably won't see this. Honestly, my only interest in this movie is the potential it has to reinstate Nick atop the Hollywood pecking order.  Because there's nothing better than seeing one's crush succeed.